For those of you that still naively believe that believing in nonsense can’t harm you, I present to you reason #1,697,456 why religion is fucking evil: a church called the Synagogue Church of All Nations has apparently been telling some of their parishioners that they don’t need to take their AIDS medication in favor of prayer. As you can guess, a number of premature deaths have occurred, and while officials inside the Church deny having told people to stop taking medication, the organization still claims to have cured a number of cancers in parishioners on its own website. This fact alone should be enough to warrant an investigation, and in anticipation of this, an undercover journalist decided to see just what kinds of claims were being made in this dangerous nuthouse.

The video above is from one of the branches in Southwark, and posing as someone with full blown AIDS, this journalist gets a preview of the kind of dangerous, irresponsible and deadly advice these charlatans are giving sick and desperate people. AIDS medication is extremely effective when taken properly, but these bastards trying to make a quick buck have robbed them of existence. I can see of no greater crime that to steal away a person’s life for one’s personal gain. It absolutely makes me sick.

These fucks also try to sell a whole slew of bullshit products, including anointed water, DVD’s and “Partner Training” programs for anyone interested in starting their own deadly franchise. Remember folks: god is all powerful, but he has an insatiable lust for your material possessions. He used to want your best baby goats and lambs; now he just wants all your fucking money.

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Did you know that each one of us has a non-denominational guardian angels that travel with us wherever we go? These same angels will help you overcome fear, doubt, and that lingering pile of money in your bank account, all thanks to Angel University. For the low price of a thousand smackeroos, you too can become a certified angel therapist. There’s no limit to your upward mobility once you learn the secrets of tricking gullible idiots out of there money, and what better way to do so than by enrolling today? Not convinced yet? Wait until you hear these powerful testimonials!

Before sleep, I call upon Archangel Jeremiel to join my magical night travels. He ushers in the dreams needed for healing, solution, and enlightenment. He keeps lower energies out and allows entrance to those for my highest good. If needed, Archangel Azreal and Archangel Jeremiel bring in passed over loved ones to generate healing. Supporting, encouraging, protecting and guiding me, Archangel Jeremiel delivers information that benefits my life’s journey. The Archangel of life review, Jeremiel will initiate past life dreams as opportunity for harmonizing ourselves and creating positive changes.

How useful! I used to have to learn things in fancy books, but now all I plan on doing is laying down in bed and waiting for one of these Archangels fellows to bring me all the information I need for my life “journey”.

The more you can focus on what it is you are grateful for, the more you can learn to ignore those things that you are not so grateful for. By tuning out these negative areas of our lives we are taking back our power from them. We are drawing our line in the sand and letting the world know that if they want to get through our wall, the way is through happiness not anger.

Just tune out your problems rather than facing them. Hey, if you’re going to embrace magical thinking, you’ve got to incorporate some kind of denial of reality in there somewhere, am I right?

At this point it would be far safer to say that it[ the power of prayer] is proven fact. rather than mere theory that prayer can and does have an enormous positive impact on our lives. Now you may have seen the results of a couple of studies on prayer that stated there was no effect at all, or worse that it even seemed to cause harm to the person who was praying. he fact of the matter is that there is a tremendous difference between cold
mechanical prayer and real, devoted and heartfelt, praying. Just as in all other areas of our lives we cannot simply go at this halfheartedly and expect dramatic results.

At Angel University, unpleasant things like facts and statistics are replaced by simple platitudes. The power of prayer found not to work? It’s because everyone in the study was a robot! If prayer didn’t work, it was obviously because the people doing the praying didn’t care enough. Silly science: when will you learn that you can’t measure intangible things like love, anger, and (more importantly) stupidity?

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If you’re planning to take a pilgrimage to Medina, you might want to make sure that you’re practicing “Islam” the way the locals want you to. That’s a lesson a Canadian Imam by the name of Usama Al-Atar learned rather painfully, as he was singled out from a prayer group, strangled, beaten, and then taken to jail.

According to CTV, he’s been released, but details are extremely sketchy. The police claim that he assaulted someone, but according to witnesses, the religious police found his praying to be “inappropriate” and quickly mobilized to silence him.

Let’s remember that Saudi Arabia is still the only country on earth where women aren’t allowed to drive or vote (although this is supposedly changing in 2015). Typically, this isn’t a very positive sign. Are we really that surprised that they would also mistreat foreign visitors, accuse them of crimes they didn’t commit, then lay bogus charges on them? What the fuck did this guy expect when entering one of the most religiously conservative countries in the world?

I hope this serves as a lesson for any other Muslim thinking of travelling to the country for a pilgrimage: in their eyes, you’re probably worshiping wrong, and they’re going to do something about it.

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Remember these wackos? A few weeks ago, The International House of Prayer and their fearless leader Mike Bickle, made headlines after accusing Operah Winfreyof being the Anti-Christ. These people are not to be underestimated. Since it’s humble beginnings, the church has grown by leaps and bounds. It’s recently opened a four-year Bible collage, and plans of building a massive 100 million dollar church complex (which will undoubtedly be a gaudy monstrosity).

Their whole shtick involves a 24/hour, 7 day a week prayer session that never stops. It’s supposedly been going on for 12 years (I have my doubts about this claim), and in order to accomplish this, young volunteers pledge to spend a minimum of 25 hours a week at the church, often in late night shifts. They’ve been praying for gay marriage and abortion to be made illegal. Fortunately, they’re talking to their imaginary friend the whole time, so all of this prayin’ has done precisely shit in actually changing anything. Of course, this whole effort probably feels inspiring to the members, which explains why they’ve been growing so fast. They have vision, and regardless of how frightening it is (they subscribe to the “Seven Mountain Dominionism” scary bullshit), that’s what these kinds of people want from their church these days: a clear idea of how to change society to fit their narrow worldview.

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You can learn a lot from a video. Did you know that all drugs, once your brain is “on them”, will resemble a fried egg? I know this for a fact because Rachel Leah Cook smashed someone’s house up with a frying pan to prove it. Clearly, lessons abound in the digital format, so I thought it might be nice to extract some lessons of our own from this christian cartoon courtesy of NuBeat Music (a Christian music label that occasionally dabbles in videos).

#1 – God will give you directions if you’re lost.

Forget about advances in science and technology that allows us to circumnavigate the world thought GPS: God is the only navigator you’ll ever need. Just close your eyes, make a wish, and voila! God (who looks suspiciously like Santa Clause) will appear and give you the directions you so desperately need. It’s better than OnStar, people! All you need to do is surrender yourself (and a massive part of your income) to a deity that needs constant praise and approval!

#2 – Evil people are incompetent

Are you worried that Satan and his hoards of minions might slaughter you in the night? Don’t worry: evil is in fact completely and utterly incompetent. While you may have heard “rumors” of genocides and various holocausts throughout human history, these bumbling fools are easily out-matched through the awesome power of prayer.

#3 – Everyone finds the answer “Because the Bible told me so” 100% convincing.

Your children will never be exposed to skeptical human beings vastly more knowledgeable than they are concerning the historicity of Jesus, Moses, or any other Biblical figure. Everyone is so receptive to the idea of Jesus that any need to further educate yourself is unnecessary.

#4 – When you pray, angels with giant mullets will beat-up the demons that cause cramps.

The power of prayer can cause any miracle to happen, and while your cynical mind may wonder “why can’t they do the same thing for the poor little crippled girl”, keep in mind that the added sympathy she gets from potential converts isn’t something you can easily measure. It must certainly be part of God’s “big plan”, regardless of how cruel or random it might appear to your limited mind.

#5 – Little kids are way more effective at conversion than adults

Adults are merely chauffeurs, driving around the wisdom of 5 year old children where ever they go. You see, we begin knowing everything about the world, being infinitely wise and only slowly polluting our minds with facts, experimental evidence, and skepticism about the world. That’s why when the only grown up starts to speak, it’s because she needs to be “taught” something by someone who still wets the bed. She has so much to unlearn, and all of that starts the minute she stop thinking and starts feeling!

Well, I feel properly educated now. With my navigation, health and entire future in the hands of Santa Clause, I feel ready for the wider world. Is it finally time for me to leave the nest and start preaching the world of the Lord? If this video is anything like real life, then the answer is a resounding “Fuck Yeah!”

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I think I get why Uganda is all fucked up. When crazy jackasses like this guy show up preaching literal insanity, why are we horribly surprised when the government tries to create brilliant legislation like the “kill-the-gays” bill.

Can you believe that he admits that he was mad at the devil for “interupting” his little prayer session by killing some random women he barely cares about. We really believe when you say you can raise the dead, buddy. Hey, are you interested in actually putting your powers to the test for a million bucks? I bet you could raise a lot of zombies with that kind of scratch!

(via)

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September 11th is just around the corner, and this year, Mayor Bloomberg is making sure that no clergymen from any religion is invited to the ceremony. Of course, you have a bunch of cry-baby Christians are flipping out over this exclusion:

“This is America, and to have a memorial service where there’s no prayer, this appears to be insanity to me,” Rudy Washington tells the Wall Street Journal. “I feel like America has lost its way.”

I agree with you, Rudy. America has lost it’s way. It used to make provisions to ensure religion didn’t have a special place in government. The founding fathers even made the Establishment Clause the first fucking Amendment in their Constitution. Do you think they felt it was an important thing to mention?

Bloomy’s reasoning is both sound and fair: government is not in the business of picking a religion. In any case, the entire reason this structure collapsed was because of faith, and its non-adherence to reality. Why would you want someone there reminding you of the deadly consequences of blind belief?

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It looks like Governor Rick Perry and his religious posse are getting a little bit crazier every day. You might recall that Perry is organizing a massive prayer rally at Reliant Stadium with the intent of begging God to fix all of America’s financial problems. You see, rather than actually bother to come up with real solutions (like making sure companies like Exxon or General Electric actually pay taxes), Ricky and his theocratic buddies feel as though this is the beginning of an exciting new government that puts the focus on their favorite invisible friend, and to celebrate the unconstitutional marriage of religion and politics, they’ve declared Texas to be the “Prophet State“.

The movement’s top prophets and apostles believe they have a direct line to God. Through them, they say, He communicates specific instructions and warnings. When mankind fails to heed the prophecies, the results can be catastrophic: earthquakes in Japan, terrorist attacks in New York, and economic collapse. On the other hand, they believe their God-given decrees have ended mad cow disease in Germany and produced rain in drought-stricken Texas.

These religious nutjobs are hoping that Perry eventually runs for president in order to “restore” Christianity and make America a theocracy. Although you might think I’m being overly rhetorical (I am guilty of this on countless occasions), their mandate really is to fundamentally change the way government functions:

The new prophets and apostles believe Christians—certain Christians—are destined to not just take “dominion” over government, but stealthily climb to the commanding heights of what they term the “Seven Mountains” of society, including the media and the arts and entertainment world. They believe they’re intended to lord over it all. As a first step, they’re leading an “army of God” to commandeer civilian government.

You know how some people think that it doesn’t matter what you believe in so long as you keep it to yourself? Well, these people have no interest in keeping their insane beliefs private; they want everyone else to tow the same theocratic line. They have power, money, influence, and (worst of all), a fucking plan. And what do we have? A bunch of disorganized internet keyboard warriors that can’t even agree as to what constitutes appropriate behavior at conferences.

We are so screwed…

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Here’s what’s fucking scary about believers: some of them take it so seriously that concerns over their own well-being is secondary. For true believers, a tiny bunk-bed, barely enough food to subsist, and countless hours spent trying to recruit new zombies isn’t a chore; it’s a calling, baby!

That’s how a pathetically small church, with the hilarious acronym of IHOP (International House of Prayer, not Pancakes) went from 20 members to tens of thousands in just 12 years. They recruit ferociously, and they aren’t afraid of using fiery rhetoric to get their point across. Take the sermon of their fearless leader, Mike Bickle, who is convinced that the End times are upon us. And who is Anti-Christ in his “ready for Rapture” world? Why, it’s Oprah Winfrey, of course!

“The Harlot Babylon is preparing the nations to receive the Antichrist. The Harlot Babylon will be a religion of affirmation, toleration, no absolutes, a counterfeit justice movement. They will feed the poor, have humanitarian projects, inspire acts of compassion for all the wrong reasons. They won’t know it, beloved they will be sincere, many of them, but their sincerity will not in any way lessen the impact of their deception. The fact that they are sincere does not make their deception less damaging.

I believe that one of the main pastors, as a forerunner to the Harlot movement, it’s not the Harlot movement yet, is Oprah. She is winsome, she is kind, she is reasonable, she is utterly deceived, utterly deceived. A classy woman, a cool woman, a charming woman, but has a spirit of deception and she is one of the clear pastors, forerunners to the Harlot movement.”

I’m going to assume here he’s referring to the “Whore of Babylon” that is supposed to be riding a seven headed beast (remember the trippy shit that is the Book of Revelations?) Just a little word of advice for you, Mikey: can you pick someone that people actually want to sleep with? That is kind of the idea, dude.

Now the kingdom of Babylon has been extinct for over 2000 years, so in response to this, Christians believe that a “spiritual Babylon” still exists. As you might expect, this little word game helps them avoid having to deal with the fact that the ancient Akkadian empire collapsed long after it failed to fulfill the prophesy. Hey, a little thing like reality isn’t going to stop them from feverishly anticipating the destruction of all mankind, right?

So, I guess the one thing we can know for sure is that if Oprah is the Antichrist, then EVERYBODY GETS A NEW CAR!!!!

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Firstly, I’d just like to point out my general dislike of news programs. I hate the way they present the news. At the beginning of this particular broadcast, I practically turned it off once I hear their ridiculous “let’s ask a question so we can pretend to be objective” routine”

“Is it possible that potentially fatal diseases can be stopped in their tracks by allowing a healer to channel thought and prayer into our brains?”

No, it’s not. The best fucking minds in the world keep telling you this, and yet you keep asking the question as though it’s still open for debate. It isn’t. We’ve tested these kinds of claims for decades, and the only thing we’ve found is that people often lose their hard earned money, if not their lives, to charlatans who pretend to have healing powers.

I know that the program eventually exposes faith healers, but why the hell did they chose to present the news in such a distorted way? you’re not presenting it fairly if you take their claims at face value at the beginning of your program. I can’t tell you how angry that shit makes me…

I can understand why the guy at the 4 minute mark wanted to remain anonymous. He was tricked out of over 1000 pounds of his own money. But he was probably desperate, and very afraid. Those are the kinds of vulnerabilities that Faith Healers exploit. Trust me, when you’re sick and desperate for a cure, you don’t tend to make very smart decisions.

Also scary is how the founder of this nonsense, Vienna Stibal, claims that her bullshit can also cure AIDS? I agree with the idea that she should be criminally libel for those kinds of dangerous statements. When are we going to start realizing how dangerous fuckwads like Vienna are?

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