Search results for "God"

Even Christians think “God’s not Dead” sucks

By now, I'm sure you've all heard about this movie: God's Not Dead. It's the story of a bunch of Christians getting suckered out of their money, saving God from a bunch of super meany atheists. Like most of the cheesy crap they throw on film, this particular Christian movie is like a giant cameo of failed careers. Kevin Sorbo plays a hateful atheist teacher who rejects God when his mother dies of cancer whe ...

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God’s message to Russia: you suck

A chunk of rock from outer space comes crashing down on a poor unsuspecting Russian population, and in the wake of hundreds injured from the aftershock, a clueless bunch of clowns dressed in unfunny hats declared this to be the act of a deity who enjoys reminding his ant colony that life on Earth is fragile as shit: "I think that not only for the Ural [regions] residents, but for the whole of humanity, the ...

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God is a shitty provider

What's better than a bunch of white, middle class yahoos singing rap lyrics? How about a rap about how God needs you to give him 10 percent of your income, even if it means not buying your groceries or paying your rent? "Before I buy groceries or pay the rent, I've got to give God his full 10 percent, He gives me a Hundred and I give him back ten and I'm blessed all day from beginning to end Why does God ne ...

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Don’t believe in God in Kentucky? Get ready for jail time!

It's not enough that religious folks are always shoving their religion down our throats; they also now want to enforce the 'crime' of not believing in their invisible friend. If you can believe this (and trust me, I'm still in shock), the state of Kentucky has effectively declared war on non-believers, threatening jail time for anyone who fails to "recognize the primacy of the Christian God": In Kentucky, a ...

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Pedophile priest blames God for making him this way

I've heard a lot of tortured explanations from the Catholic Church over the years as to why so many priests are sexually abusing children. Pope Benedict XVI claimed it was increased secularization that somehow made their theists behave so immorally. Homosexuality has also been blamed, despite the fact that as many female children are abused as males. Finally, though, one pedophile priest by the name of Davi ...

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God’s greatest gift…an empty box

Can you imagine hiring these lamers for your kid's birthday party? I'm not sure they realize this, but tantalizing kids with the prospect of puppies, ice cream or sports memorabilia, only to show them an empty box that turns into a cross is the mother of all lame finales. "Look kids, the greatest gift God has ever given us is invisible!". (via Christian Nightmares) ...

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Where was God at the Aurora shooting?

There's a predictable pattern to the way religious people deal with tragedy. Undoubtedly, this kind of horrific thing makes them question the dogma they've been spoon fed their entire life - that an omnipotent being cares for their well being, especially when it seems so senseless; the evils of the world throw this 'loving god' thing back in their face, and they don't like it. Then come the rationalizations ...

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Church tells HIV patients to quit medication, rely on God instead

For those of you that still naively believe that believing in nonsense can't harm you, I present to you reason #1,697,456 why religion is fucking evil: a church called the Synagogue Church of All Nations has apparently been telling some of their parishioners that they don't need to take their AIDS medication in favor of prayer. As you can guess, a number of premature deaths have occurred, and while official ...

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The Voices in your head is always God talking to you!

So, according to a dude who heard voices in his head, God speaks in exactly the same voice that you do, and magically agrees with everything you say. Now, I should warn you that the tiny, insignificant voice in the back of your head that keeps on criticizing your decision not to question that voice is really the devil. He's so tricky, he'll try and convince you that you're merely choosing to re-enforce your ...

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The Flizbins want you to dance for God’s love

Sick and tired of children's entertainment that's fun, informational, and secularist? Well, The Flizbins are here, and they promise you "safe" children's programming. Presumably, the stuff that's currently out there for pre-schoolers must all be evil or unsafe. Luckily, their totally inoffensive songs are sure to delight parents and kids alike! You can tell from their stiff, forced dances that something edu ...

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