I like this guy’s show. It’s entertaining, well produced, and he makes a pretty convincing argument. Another reason why you have to love serious atheists…

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As most of you will recall, generous patron and all around awesome guy Andy Scott donated 10 free memberships to deserving members, and I’m happy to announce that he’s chosen his final two. They are:

Brittany
Robert Donnelly

Well, that’s it folks. The rest of you will need to wait until some other generous patron gets a little drunk and spends way too much money on us. If you’re still bummed out about the fact that you didn’t win but still wanted to be a member, I’m actually working on getting enough funding to allow free members to gradually gain membership from participating on our upcoming forum. In other words, the really hard core peeps will be able to trade in a bit of their time in exchange for shows! cool, huh?

If that’s something you feel excited about, we could sure use some eventual donations or investors to help out financially. We can’t get it off the ground if we’re always in survival mode.

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As promised, our special Bonus Episode on Scientology is free for members of the site. If you aren’t yet one, just click on the members button or follow this link and sign up for free. Freebie members get this episode for zilch. Consider it our way of enticing you to eventually become patrons.

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Catholics have taken a page from Evangelical Christians and are actively trying to recruit people back to the faith. After the shellacking they’ve received amidst all the sex scandals, they’re looking for a little PR work, and they’ve found it in “Catholics Come Home“.

The site promises to convert you to, or back to Catholicism by answering a few pathetic questions, and glossing over any fact that looks to be embarrassing. It tries to present the faith as though for the past 2000 years it’s been a model organizations. There doesn’t seem to be any information on Inquisitions, Crusades, or the persecution of Jews. Guess they forgot about those historical “oopsies”

Some of their quotes are hilariously out of touch:

the late Archbishop Fulton Sheen once said, “There are not even 100 people in this country who hate the Catholic Church, but there are millions who hate what they think the Catholic Church to be.”

I’m pretty fucking sure that the Church’s history of protecting child rapists from prosecution has probably made more than 100 people hate the Catholic Church, man. Of course, Sheen died in 1979, just about the time that some of his coworkers were busy in Boston fondling kids left and right. Hear no evil see no evil, right?

Also, if you’re unsure whether or not your own faith will continue to vilify homosexuality, rest assured that Catholicism promises never to stop their campaign of false information and bigotry:

From our web site you will learn about homosexuality and chastity. By developing an interior life of chastity, which is the universal call to all Christians, one can move beyond the confines of the homosexual identity to a more complete one in Christ…

In other words, if your gay, you too can be accepted into the Catholic Church if you forever deny your sexual being and love Jesus instead. Sure, he might not cuddle you at night, and he certainly won’t tickle your balls, you can rest easy knowing your invisible friend has made it impossible for you to live a fulfilled and full life. Hurray!

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Yes, it truly is an amazing story: 4 year old boy, doped up during surgery, has a series of hallucinations that reflect his Christian upbringing. Annoyingly, no one seems to give a shit that it’s medical science that saved this kids life. Instead, everyone is focused on the vivid dreams of a 4 year old boy, who claims that God is so gigantic, he can fit the Earth into his hands. Wow, an all-powerful deity that has hands and looks human. How fucking creative.

Now I don’t want to say this kid is lying, but his story sounded like some pretty serious coaching. Jesus had a smile that lit the heavens? Was he bigger or smaller than Mega-God?

So there are no old people in Heaven, just their young selves. What if I prefer my older look? Do I not get to chose? Will no one fuck me in Heaven if I look old or something?

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I hope you have your goatskins ready for the festival of health and fertility, everyone! It’s time to honor Lupa, the she-wolf who suckled Remus and Romulus (no, not the Star Trek planets) when they were abandoned orphans. To properly celebrate, be sure to have 2 dogs and a goat ready to be slaughtered with a knife, and when someone wipes the blade still fresh with their blood on your forehead, remember that you’re expected to laugh and smile. I don’t want to see any frowns, people!

Of course if that’s a bit too morbid for you, you can always celebrate the Christian holiday that was meant to replace it: St. Valentine’s Day, named after several saints who were martyred. Of course, rather than celebrate the execution of deluded idiots, you can instead cater to the gods of the greeting card industry and succumb to the societal pressure of doing something romantic with your girlfriend. If it makes you feel any less bitter, you never really had a choice anyway, man.

For the rest of you single guys and girls, I suggest you forget about this yearly reminder of your romantic inadequacy and instead focus on finding some dogs to ritualistically slaughter…

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Some of you might recall that Jeff and I started a gaming podcast a few months ago called “A Winner is Me“. Well, after pressure from some of you listeners, Jeff has resurrected it, and we’re now making new episodes. If you love video games, comic books and movies, then you’ll love the show!

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The lady in the tent is absolutely right! Why, if it wasn’t for Islam’s liberation of women, they wouldn’t even be allowed to hold the placards that they probably can’t even read. In the immortal words of George Orwell, War is Peace, Freedom is slavery, Ignorance is strength!

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Well, at least jail is a better alternative than my suggestion: to ritualistically beat deniers with reeds until blood comes out of their anus. On second thought, the prison idea might lead to the same outcome…

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