New Pope elected..and surprise, he’s also a bigot

New Pope elected..and surprise, he’s also a bigot

After the first day of indecision, an old, antiquated bunch of clowns dressed in silly costumes finally elected their new infallible leader: Cardinal┬áJorge Mario Bergoglio from Argentina. His new name, Francis the First, is in honor of St. Francis of Assisi, the guy who renounced wealth in order to feel more connected to the poor. Now you might think it’s a little ironic that a man sitting on 50 billion dollars and eating on gold plates should give himself such a name, but to be fair, Assisi did start out rich, so I’m sure this ‘humble’ servant of God will too, right?

Unsurprisingly, Cardinal Bergoglio is the kind of Pope you would expect a group of repressed, self-hating homosexuals to elect: despite his statements that gays should be treated with respect, he nevertheless is of the opinion that adoption by gay parents is child abuse. This kind of indefatigable respect notwithstanding, it was a brilliant move by the church to finally elect someone who comes from a country where people actually give a shit about Catholicism, and the Pope in general. Survey after survey in industrialized nations have shown no modern Catholic actually gives a flying fuck what the Pope says, since like every other religious believer, they simply pick and choose which parts of the Bible they like and want to follow.

As for the rest, we just need to wait a little longer until some other fucking scandal breaks and more insane news comes out, say, like the church owning one of Europe’s most prominent (and I’m assuming steamiest) bathhouses.

Comments (3)

  • avatar


    So, 115 old guys elected a really old guy to lead 1.2 billion delusional religious people? This isn’t news. What is news, though, is exactly what Jacob has raised – this guy will eat off golden plates and sit on a fortune of 50bn dollars while there are children in the world dying every second because they can’t get food or clean water or cheap medical supplies.

    The Catholic Church is not a force for good. It is a horrific, immoral institution that shelters paedophiles, denies condom use to those in sub-Saharan Africa, and denies abortion out of some pathetic idea that a blastocyst is a human being.

    This abhorrent institution should be disbanded, ridiculed and denied its existence.

    If you’re a Catholic and think the Catholic Church is a force for good, please visit Wikipedia’s page on “Cognitive Dissonance”.

  • avatar


    It is sad that you have so little respect for the humanity of people who are Catholic. Saying that believing that Catholocism has been a force for good is a psychological problem simply shows that you are ignorant of the history of Western Civilization. Calling people “delusional” who don’t share yout beliefs is close-minded and judgmental. Where are the great atheists like Camus, Sartre and De Beauvoir? They were open-minded great scholars unlike Hitchens, Dawkins and Harris. They didn’t just dismiss those who disagreed. They explored the issues very deeply.
    Saint Francis of Assis was delusional? Speaking that way shows an attitude of close-minded ignorance. Just because someone doesn’t agree with your point of view doesn’t take away their human dignity. We are all equal brother and sisters, and God is our Father. (As Frederick Douglass believed). Please have respect and tolerance for those who disagree with you. Peace.

  • avatar


    You catholics are brainwashed from birth to believe yours is the only true religion and defend it in the face of undeniable wickedness performed . WW2 , Vaican signed treaty with nazis, ‘don’t touch the Vatican and we wont condemn you’ Denying contraception use causing millions of babies to die in agony. the vatican bank, most corrupt organisation in the world, The inquisition, ‘our way or death’ The imfamous vatican ‘rat runs’, providing safe escape for Nazi war criminals. Begging in churches fromm the poorest of people whilst holding vast wealth. need I go on? yes i will. the cover up of thousands of abusive priests.
    We are not all equal under the catholic church, the pope eats off gold plates and holds vast wealth whilst teliing us we must look after the poor. All popes are corrupt. This new onw was hand in hand with the military in Argentina and stood and did nothing as thousands of young men ended up dead and in torture chambers.

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