God is a shitty provider
What’s better than a bunch of white, middle class yahoos singing rap lyrics? How about a rap about how God needs you to give him 10 percent of your income, even if it means not buying your groceries or paying your rent?
“Before I buy groceries or pay the rent,
I’ve got to give God his full 10 percent,
He gives me a Hundred and I give him back ten
and I’m blessed all day from beginning to end
Why does God need money, you ask? Well, apparently the ‘great provider’ has a serious problem balancing his checkbook, and only a huge chunk of your income can solve his cash flow problems. But don’t worry: even though giving so much of your income might put you in debt, or make you unable to make all your payments on time, you can take comfort in the fact that God loves people who allow his representatives to drive in Cadillacs instead of taking the bus.
At least when TGA asks you for a tithe, it’s actually closer to .0001% of your income, and you know exactly where it goes: I don’t pretend that it’s used for any other purpose than to sustain me.