Evolution is a lie because dogs have never been on the moon.

Evolution is a lie because dogs have never been on the moon.

Truly there is no greater comedic bastion than Facebook. It’s the only place you can find such a high concentration of crazy outside of the Phelps compound. The combination of free expression and ignorance is a constant reminder that as a species, we still have a long way to go. Every once in a while, someone crafts an argument so brilliant, you just have to stand back in awe at the inspired mind that came up with it. This is not one of those:

Here we go. God created humans. God created angels to look after humans (guardian angels). Lucifer and many other didn’t want to look after that was inferior to them. They revolted, they fell. Today we call them demons. They have many forms and manifestations, including us. (We were made in God’s image. Hence He already knew He has to build a vessel in which He could put His soul into, Yeshua.) So you have these spirits, Lucifer and his crew influencing all kinds of events. Wars, murders, ect [sic] . Mind you humans are actually the one [sic] who do they [sic] work. They carry out the plan.

Why does Satan sound more like Danny Ocean? Idiots, can’t you see all of the evidence of God’s creation all around you already? Sure, giving God credit means you have to ignore all of the really unpleasant shit that incorporates nature (like parasites and viruses), but these were probably a product of gay marriage anyway (if they can cause a flood, surely they can cause all kinds of other disasters). And who is behind all of this confusion? Why, it’s Satan of course!

How many times have you done something because someone mentioned it to you. Doesn’t have to be anything bad per se, could be “Hey I like cheeseburgers. Wow I’ve never tasted those before that’s good!” Now Lucifer’s (Satan’s) plan is to convince people there is no God, that he himself doesn’t exist, and then when you die, you simply die. Everything God does, Satan does the complete opposite.

Shit, I’m confused. If he does the opposite of God, does that mean he tried to save all of those innocent Jews that God arbitrarily kills for not obeying his commands? If he’s such a thorn in God’s side, why isn’t Hell just a sweet alternative to Heaven? Playing dungeon keeper sure makes him seem more like a minion than a supreme lord of darkness, doesn’t it? Also, I want to eat a cheeseburger right now.

There are some false sciences being taught every day. Like evolution. The biggest lie ever told. There is no proof of it existing ANYWHERE. Proof of God? I’m glad you asked. It’s everywhere, just look animals, plants, HUMANS, by saying that we are a product of evolution is a) Blasphemy, b) you’re not giving yourself and intelligence enough credit. you ever see a dog make it to the moon? Oh by the way, your ancestor was a rock….Friends! I know I’ve been bold before, no ones[sic] perfect.

Dogs can’t go to the moon, therefore evolution is a lie. Take that, science!

But the message is simply this: if we continue to live the lives we’re living we will not be able to be born after we die here on Earth understand? We don’t get the keys to Heaven. Which is unlike anybody has any idea about. Unexplainable [sic]. Only two places, Heaven and Hell, both very real places. They will be just as physical! Hell simply is the furthest place from God, complete seperation [sic]. That heart breaking feeling after a break-up….It’ll be like that times 100, maybe worse. So here’s the point of this statement. It can clearly be found in the book of John, chapter 3 verse 16. Go look it up if you don’t know it!

That’s the “God so loved the world that he sent his son to have a really bad weekend for all of our sins” one that football fans are so proud of. Never mind how morally repulsive it is to think that a loving God solves all of his problems by killing something innocent; it’s not really a very impressive ‘sacrifice’ if the thing you kill doesn’t stay dead. This hell idea, the supposed place furthest away from this malevolent deity, is starting to sound more and more attractive, isn’t it?

CHRIST to OUR place on the cross. He said I’ll get us out of here and save us all. Without his resurrection, we’d be wasting our time. But he died AND came back. So, that alone makes it worth living and dying for him. Jesus loves you, no excuses.

Jesus loves you, but his Dad thinks you’re a gigantic piece of shit that deserves to be crucified for the things your imaginary ancestor did. What a swell guy! Can’t you feel his suffocating love surrounding you like a thick smog of poisonous gas?

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