Tortured logic allows gay man to continue heterosexual marriage

One of the truly tragic things about Christianity is its propensity to label behaviors it arbitrarily decides are wrong as “sins”. This has caused all kinds of misery for individuals with a sexual orientation different from the majority of us. Gay Christians are often haunted by the idea that their sexual attraction to someone of the same gender is putting their “souls” (another childish concept we can’t seem to shake off) in imminent danger. Their solution, often times, is to deny the very fiber of their being, constructing elaborate justification for living a crazy lie.

One such poor bastard is Josh Weed, a proud Mormon who runs a site called “The Weed”. He’s recently come out of the closet, and he wrote a confused letter about his decision to stay married. While at first glance the letter may seem sweet and even charming, the underlying message is a hodgepodge of confusion and terrible advice.

sex is about more than just visual attraction and lust and it is about more than just passion and infatuation. I won’t get into the boring details of the research here, but basically when sex is done right, at its deepest level it is about intimacy. It is about one human being connecting with another human being they love. It is a beautiful physical manifestation of two people being connected in a truly vulnerable, intimate manner because they love each other profoundly. It is bodies connecting and souls connecting. It is beautiful and rich and fulfilling and spiritual and amazing.

This sounds like it’s taken straight from the Tom Cruise playbook: focus on the intimacy of sex, in order to ignore the fact that you aren’t actually attracted to the person sucking you off. Hey, I agree that sex does have that element, but it’s also a dirty, raunchy affair that’s best enjoyed with someone who naturally gets your dick hard.

Many people never get to this point in their sex lives because it requires incredible communication, trust, vulnerability, and connection. And Lolly and I have had that from day one, mostly because we weren’t distracted by the powerful chemicals of infatuation and obsession that usually bring a couple together

The passion may dwindle, but you might be hard pressed to find anyone willing TO SKIP OVER THIS PART. I would venture to guess that the guy has never actually been laid by a dude before, and his dismissing this important part of a relationship goes to show how little he knows about sex.

One of the sad truths about being homosexual is that no matter what you decide for your future, you have to sacrifice something. It’s very sad, but it is true… with homosexuality, the choices seem to be a little bit more mutually exclusive. If you are Mormon and you choose to live your religion, you are sacrificing the ability to have a romantic relationship with a same-sex partner. If you choose a same-sex partner, you are sacrificing the ability to have a biological family with the one you love.

This obsession with biology infuriates me, but it’s a consequence of religion’s insistence on humans to reproduce like wild bunnies. No doubt they long ago realized that to build a following, the quickest way to accomplish this is to ensure your acolytes have a bevy of kids. They usually end up just as fucked as their parents, ensuring generation after generation of people believe in utter nonsense. To pretend as though there are no options for having a family and being gay is both disingenuous and ignorant.

This whole article smacks of a profound ignorance on the issue of homosexuality. While Weed is correct in pointing to the fundamental incompatibility between his religion and his sexuality, their compromise seems to be “give up on your desires in order to have a family”. While such self sacrifice may appear noble, in truth it merely encourages others in similar situations to continue to deny a part of themselves, for no other reason than Joseph Smith’s twisted ideas on love and marriage.

In any case, I came out of this feeling sorry for Josh. He’s clearly a sweet man, but this living a lie thing has him spouting all kinds of dangerous nonsense. No one should be forced to deny their sexual attractions, least of all for purely biological reasons. I think this guy needs a cock up his ass, stat.

Comments (5)

  • avatar


    I feel sorry for this guy, but at the same time, I can’t help but feel he’s being incredibly selfish. Not only is he denying himself what he actually wants, but he’s also denying his wife a relationship she deserves.

    It just feels like cowardice masquerading as alturism.

  • avatar


    Honestly I couldn’t bring myself to read his article (giant wall of boring text) but it really does sound to me like he’s living a lie. He can ignore his desires for awhile, but eventually he’s going to suffer for it, and so is his wife. I can’t blame him for wanting to keep his relationship alive, though. After all, if he got a divorce, who would publish his blog?

    There’s a lot to lose for him, but it’s his fault for getting into a heterosexual relationship when he knew from the very beginning he was gay.

  • avatar


    The guys over at patheos’ atheist channel dug up that the guy works as an ex-gay counsellor (or has done). That’s the really terrifying part – that he might inflict this non-life on other people.

  • avatar

    Lori F - MN

    I admire his control. But I feel sorry for him and his wife. Neither of them has an inkling of true love – not to mention recreational sex. [something i rather enjoy]
    Sounds like they have the 1950’s TV marriage; separate beds & unfeeling kisses on the cheek. Guess she didn’t want all that ‘messy’ sexual stuff either.
    Haven’t decided if I feel sorry for the kids or not. But I imagine they will be told some day, since the parents are so proud that dad is a non-practicing homosexual, that dad is gay.

    If he truely wanted to be all pious, he should have foresworn all sex.

  • avatar

    Papi G.

    Mormons aren’t Christians. And for us Christians, being gay is a sin just like any other.

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