A lesson we can learn from David Albo

Ladies, I know how frustrated, angry and terrified you are about the current “War on Contraception” that the Right is currently engaged in. You have every right to be, especially when it’s being framed not as a reproductive rights issue, but rather as a “religious freedom” issue.

The solution comes from an unlikely source: Virginia Rep. David Albo. In the above video, this moron describes his failure to bang his wife after watching the Rachel Maddow Show, which focued mainly on the very bill he had been debating the day before. Despite his best efforts to seduce her with wine and some soft music (what is this, an 80’s movie?), she refused him entry. Unbeknownst to her, Mrs. Albo has provided the perfect solution to this crisis: it’s time to get frigid, ladies.

This isn’t the first time the idea was suggested. In the Greek play Lysistrata, women use this tactic to stop their husbands from continuing to fight in the Peloponnesian War. Tired of not having any say in political matters, they decide to exercise the only power they do have over men: sex.

Now before you accuse me of being silly, I’d like to point out that sexual selection is one of the driving forces of evolution, and in most species, it’s the female that exerts this pressure. The reason for this is because of something called “Bateman’s Principle“. It basically states that the organism that has to expend the most resources will typically get to call the shots. Do you hear that ladies? Despite the fact that you’re the ones in our culture who does most of the “displaying” (i.e., doing more than simply wearing jogging pants all the time), you’re still the ones with the ability to determine who gets to pass on their genes, and who doesn’t.

On the big scale, this can have profound consequences. For some species, it means investing tremendous energy in totally arbitrary and sometimes deadly displays of physical health and prowess (why is the peacock’s feathers blue? Because the ladies like it that way). Our species needs a different focus now: we need humans to be more compassionate, understanding, kind, and thoughtful, all qualities that can breed true if women select the right mates.

In the short term, I think this tactic can be employed to silence men who use their power and influence to limit the rights of other human beings who don’t share their dangly parts. It has already worked to some degree; Republican lawmakers have announced plans to remove extremely controversial portions of their anti-women anti-abortion Bill.

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