Over the weekend, the Pope arrived in Germany on a tour designed to try and recruit Protestants and other estranged Christians who have grown tired of their religion’s increasing acceptance of homosexual marriage.

Knowing, too, the value of family and marriage, we as Christians attach great importance to defending the integrity and the uniqueness of marriage between one man and one woman from any kind of misinterpretation,” he said, according to the Associated Press. “Here the common engagement of Christians, including many Orthodox and Oriental Orthodox Christians, makes a valuable contribution to building up a society equipped for the future.”

You wouldn’t want marriage to be “misinterpreted” by allowing your fellow human beings to enjoy the same rights as everyone else, right?. This could send a dangerous message of acceptance and tolerance that the Catholic Church has vowed to combat.

A society equipped for the future – according to these assholes- is one where gays and lesbians are marginalized and clearly not worthy of the same rights as heterosexuals. The Bible tells them so, and even though they’ve chosen to ignore all the other laws that make it a sin to eat bacon or to wear clothing made of two different fabrics, the ones they focus on tend to provide theological justification for whatever ignorant bullshit they’re trying to peddle.

I find it hilarotragic (my new word for anything both tragic and hilarious) that an organization that shelters thousands of child rapists has the audacity to claim to have society’s best interest in mind. I think their long history of repression, abuse and murder severely undermines this idea. I encourage the Catholic Church to keep fighting against the civil rights of gay people; it’ll be just one more reason for people to abandon their fucking nonsense.

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If you loved our “Bible Stories”, then you won’t want to miss this week’s Bonus Show as we pick our favorite of the 613 laws of the Pentateuch. If you become a member today, not only will you get this show and our huge back-catalog of episodes, you’ll also benefit from extra shows every month! You’re already hooked to the show, now get more of your fix for 20 bucks a year.

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Before listening to the enlightening sermon of Pastor David Grice, I thought the Wizard of Oz was a whimsical musical featuring a talented cast of actors bringing a classic tale to life. Little did I realize that it’s actually a psychotic story of a young murderer and her unwitting accomplices. Yes, the Wizard of Oz is Satanic, and with the help of David’s hilarious sermon (he reminds me of a chubbier Will Sasso), I aim to prove to you definitively that the movie “The Wizard of Oz” is in fact a secular plot to destroy the world.

#1: Dorothy is a rebellious girl
“For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft” [1st Samuel 15:23]

If there’s one thing the Bible can’t stand, it’s rebellious women. Not only is Dorothy rebellious: she often takes a leadership role, even when there are men around. She lacks discipline, she goes against the wishes of her elders, and she’s unusually curious and literate. The Good Book definitely has a lot to say about the role of women in society, and leading a murderous band of thugs (while not itself a sin) certainly isn’t one of them. Just ask Joan of Arc.

#2: Midgets not properly shunned
“Whosoever he be of thy seed in their generations that hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God” [Leviticus 21: 17-23]

Don’t let their little dance fool you: midgets are evil, regardless of their relative cuteness or musical ability. The Bible is quite clear on the subject of these genetic monstrosities: they are to be isolated and killed immediately. Dwarfism is not the result of a genetic anomaly, malnutrition or a host of other problems, but rather the sinister work of Satan himself.

#3. Witches notoriously NOT on fire
“A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death” [Leviticus 20:27]

While the movie does seem to protray the murder of evil witches as both moral and desirable, the Bible makes no distinction between either good or bad sorcery. All must be tortured into confession, and finally offered a chance to repent before being burned alive. We’re trying to save these women, after all!

#4. People worship some kind of Wizard instead of stoning him to death
And the soul that turneth after such as have familiar spirits, and after wizards, to go a whoring after them, I will even set my face against that soul, and will cut him off from among his people.[Leviticus 20:6]

While the “Wizard of Oz” uses technology rather than magic to trick people into worshiping him, his device -a kind of portal through which he voices the will of God and which seems to read people’s secret fears- is really just a subtle metaphor about priests being nothing more than con artists who send otherwise innocent and good people to commit murder for the sake of some esoteric reward.

#5. Oz is clearly a trying to satirize heaven
“And the twelve gates were twelve pearls; every several gate was of one pearl: and the street of the city was pure gold, as it were transparent glass.” [Revelations:21-21]

God loves Gold more than most elements, and Revelations states that the streets will be paved in it. L. Frank Baum’s “yellow brick road” is intended to mock the idea that heaven should any have roads at all. The Emerald City is also clearly satarizing the “Emerald Throne” that God (who is made of Jasper Stone) is said to rest on.

#6. The cowardly lion is a mockery of Jesus
“And one of the elders saith unto me, Weep not: behold, the Lion of the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, hath prevailed to open the book, and to loose the seven seals thereof.”[Revelation 5:5]

The Lion (a clear representation of Jesus) has no courage, and while his appearance at first seems powerful and commanding, Toto (who represents doubting Thomas) immediately exposes him as a coward. He is also unwise; he too falls for the campy illusion of the “Wizard” just as the others do.

#7. The Wizard of Oz is a celebration of humanism
Thou shalt fear the LORD thy God; him shalt thou serve, and to him shalt thou cleave, and swear by his name. [Deuteronomy 10:20]

Dorothy’s solution for returning home -namely the clicking of her heels- represents man’s independence from God. Since the solution to her problem was “inside her all along”, Dorothy does not need the fear of the Lord to guide her actions, nor does she need “his” power to solve her problems. This totally undermines God’s ability to command (through the loving and exploratory hands of the clergy) his sinful creation.

If you can’t see the work of Satan in this film, then you’re just being ignant, dog.

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When abuse allegations started popping up against the Catholic Church, Germany was one of those countries that, like Ireland, had suffered mightily at the hands of the clergy. When they opened up a hotline for victims of sexual abuse, they received 2700 calls after only 3 days. The Vatican, aware that it’s about as popular as mouth Herpes, is setting off to Germany in a vain attempt to discuss how Protestants and Catholics can “work together”. While the Chancellor urged Germans to be wary of the growing “trend” of secularism, the ones with their head still screwed on tight have decided to boycott the Pope’s visit out of protest that it violates the separation of Church and State in the country. Officials speaking on the behalf of the Vatican had this to say:

“The parliamentarians ought to consider how this will look from abroad,” Walter Brandmueller, who is German, told the mass-circulation daily Bild.

“They’ll boost the image of the ‘ugly Germans,’ which sadly still exists,” the cardinal added.

Yeah, pulling out the Nazi card isn’t the greatest idea when you were willing to forge an alliance with them (also, excommunicating Hitler would be a good start). Besides, why do they always seem shocked when some people don’t feel like going to their little parties? Recall that their current “mascot” sheltered known pedophiles from prosecution (as did his predecessor), and has done nothing to purge the organization of pederasts. What a surprise that no one wants to show them any support.

Here’s the core problem folks: the Catholic Church, more than any other religious organization, seems to have a serious pedophile problem within their ranks. Because of their rather disturbed idea of celibacy and sexual repression, Catholic priests don’t properly develop their sexual maturity, often staying in a child-like state. Obviously it’s not the sole reason the Church has such an infestation, since their strict rules about secrecy is an attractive options for pederasts hoping to avoid jail time. And while the Vatican may deny these allegations, you don’t see any other organization going to the same lengths they do to protect child rapists; withholding evidence, paying off families to stay quiet and moving around offending priests when accusations arise is not the kind of behavior we would tolerate from ANY other private or public institutions. Yet when these same assholes make a trip to a foreign country and get the cold shoulder, they act surprised that not everyone welcomes them with open arms.  The funny thing about people is that they tend to get upset when you start fucking their kids. Go figure!

Can we just jail these fuckers and call it a day already?

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Remember Becky Fisher? She’s the nutjob behind Jesus Camp, and while that terrible nightmarish camp was shut down following the movie, it appears that she hasn’t slowed her down one bit. Here she is in Singapore doing the exact same shtick, with the added element of “teaching” kids how to raise the dead. She also has them pray for America to be “changed”: it seems she’s rather unsatisfied with “democracy” and its tendency to allow everyone a voice (she’s a much bigger fan of the way Islam does things in the Middle East).

While she’s kept a low profile since 2006, it appears that she’s merely moved away from the media’s attention and has continued her ceaseless quest to make children more ignorant about the world with this crazy nonsense.

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Ever since Conservapedia put up a link to TGA declaring that there was “no such thing as a Good Atheist”, we’ve been getting a lot of great comments in a number of articles. The best one so far has to be from “Bob”, who is convinced that not only do we not exist, but that life on earth wouldn’t be worth living if it wasn’t for his imaginary buddy:

I want to know just one thing, if there is NO God, NO Afterlife, No nothing, no point to anything what so ever, why do you continue to even exist? I mean if you could prove to me that there wasn’t a God, which you can’t because there is, I would be the first in line for suicide, NOTHING or NO ONE on this earth is worth putting up with the total bullshit that we put up with on a daily basis.

With a personality like yours, it’s a total mystery why your friends and family don’t offer you enough support and love to justify you “putting” up with existence for more than a minute. You sound like such a positive guy! Surely it must be your love of God that makes you this cheery.

I don’t believe true atheists even exist, just a bunch of snot nosed adults throwing temper tantrums because they can’t get their way and do what they want without repercussion for their actions.

He is aware that we have a justice system, right?

I think I’ve identified where you fucked up in your reasoning, Bobby. You think atheism leads to nihilism which then leads to violent anarchy. If that were the case, prisons would be filled with non-believers. So why are they disproportionately represented in correctional institutions?

The simple answer (the one you can’t seem to grasp) is that belief in god doesn’t actually make a person moral. In fact, it can often do the exact opposite. Just think of how many times someone has murdered their fellow human being because their god commanded them to do so. These psychopaths were the ones who did what they want without caring what the repercussions were.

science is so full of shit, takes alot of faith to believe what you can’t see, right? when was the last time you could 100% prove science, all the way down to its truest form? you can’t you never will, most of what science says is all made up bullshit.

It’s impossible to prove science 100%. The whole process demands uncertainty, in a way. It invites change, because the people who do science realize that our picture of the Universe is incomplete. That isn’t a weakness, Bobby. That’s a strength. I know it’s hard to grasp when you’ve been humping the Bible for so long, but certainty is not at all desirable. We used to be certain that the world was flat, that the Sun revolved around the Earth, and that diseases were caused by demons. All of these “facts” were written with total certitude in the Bible and all of them are dead wrong.

If you enjoy certainty at the cost of learning anything real about objective reality, that’s your choice. I might suggest, however, that you try and improve your relationships with people that actually exist. They are the ones that make life worth living, not some failed messiah living in “the clouds”.

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A fan -who shall remain anonymous for reasons that will be clear in the email- sent me a letter I thought I would share with the rest of you. I’m not the best at giving advice to people in awkward situation like his, but since this is an atheism site, readers are bound to have opinions that they’re only too happy to share.

Hi Jake,

How do I ask my boss for Friday off to attend the Texas Freethought Convention?

The financially-fit, skilled, and competent version of me that I strive to be would be honest. Regretfully, I am not that man, and honesty is not really an option here.

I just started an internship at the end of August following a long stretch of unemployment. As an intern, I am extremely dependent on both my boss and my coworkers to learn on the job.

Even though I’ve only been with the company for a few weeks, I’ve found that my co-workers are vocal about their lives outside of work. Through this I’ve gathered that the three people in my immediate group are Christians. One of them even expressed frustration with being set up on a blind date with an, “atheist.”

A couple of years ago, my Christian parents found out that I had discarded the belief in god that I was raised with. Aside from their initial negative reaction, my lack of belief has not been discussed. They are still expressive of their beliefs around me while I keep my outlook to myself. My immediate family and friends of the family are also un-aware of my lack of belief. I remain silent partially due to respect, but largely due to my poor financial state.

The complicating link between my family and my work is my father; he has been with this particular company for all of his life.

I need my both parents and this internship to survive. I don’t feel comfortable risking either direct or indirect recourse with my co-workers or my parents. I am – for lack of a better word – scared.

The most appealing solution I can discern is to say that I am attending a Leadership Conference. If my co-workers accept this at face value and don’t prod any deeper, then I might be okay, but I wouldn’t know how to answer the, “who is hosting it,” or the, “where is it at,” follow-up questions.

Do you have any suggestions?

Well, I’m not a big fan of lying, but I don’t see you having a lot of choice. It sounds like drawing attention to yourself isn’t a good idea. My long-term suggestion would be to find a way not to have your balls in that kind of vice. Maybe that means moving somewhere else, where you don’t have to hide your beliefs for the sake of your job. I don’t know your family situation (which is what makes this part almost impossible), but living in such a hostile environment to unbelief for the rest of your life doesn’t seem desirable in the slightest.

Your story makes me wonder if there shouldn’t be an “covert” option available for people wanting to attend atheist conventions where they event built a fake site for people with bosses and colleagues that just wouldn’t “get it”. It’s true that it makes us non-believers appear dishonest or “closeted” about our beliefs, but we can’t expect everyone to risk losing their jobs, their friends, or even their family to show up at one of these events. It would be a little like the site “Ashley Madison” which bills your credit card under a pseudonym to ensure your spouse is unaware of your actions. It’s sad that such a service seems necessary, but that’s just the way things have to go until religious people stop having a “problem” with our existence.

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You can learn a lot from a video. Did you know that all drugs, once your brain is “on them”, will resemble a fried egg? I know this for a fact because Rachel Leah Cook smashed someone’s house up with a frying pan to prove it. Clearly, lessons abound in the digital format, so I thought it might be nice to extract some lessons of our own from this christian cartoon courtesy of NuBeat Music (a Christian music label that occasionally dabbles in videos).

#1 – God will give you directions if you’re lost.

Forget about advances in science and technology that allows us to circumnavigate the world thought GPS: God is the only navigator you’ll ever need. Just close your eyes, make a wish, and voila! God (who looks suspiciously like Santa Clause) will appear and give you the directions you so desperately need. It’s better than OnStar, people! All you need to do is surrender yourself (and a massive part of your income) to a deity that needs constant praise and approval!

#2 – Evil people are incompetent

Are you worried that Satan and his hoards of minions might slaughter you in the night? Don’t worry: evil is in fact completely and utterly incompetent. While you may have heard “rumors” of genocides and various holocausts throughout human history, these bumbling fools are easily out-matched through the awesome power of prayer.

#3 – Everyone finds the answer “Because the Bible told me so” 100% convincing.

Your children will never be exposed to skeptical human beings vastly more knowledgeable than they are concerning the historicity of Jesus, Moses, or any other Biblical figure. Everyone is so receptive to the idea of Jesus that any need to further educate yourself is unnecessary.

#4 – When you pray, angels with giant mullets will beat-up the demons that cause cramps.

The power of prayer can cause any miracle to happen, and while your cynical mind may wonder “why can’t they do the same thing for the poor little crippled girl”, keep in mind that the added sympathy she gets from potential converts isn’t something you can easily measure. It must certainly be part of God’s “big plan”, regardless of how cruel or random it might appear to your limited mind.

#5 – Little kids are way more effective at conversion than adults

Adults are merely chauffeurs, driving around the wisdom of 5 year old children where ever they go. You see, we begin knowing everything about the world, being infinitely wise and only slowly polluting our minds with facts, experimental evidence, and skepticism about the world. That’s why when the only grown up starts to speak, it’s because she needs to be “taught” something by someone who still wets the bed. She has so much to unlearn, and all of that starts the minute she stop thinking and starts feeling!

Well, I feel properly educated now. With my navigation, health and entire future in the hands of Santa Clause, I feel ready for the wider world. Is it finally time for me to leave the nest and start preaching the world of the Lord? If this video is anything like real life, then the answer is a resounding “Fuck Yeah!”

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