Heaven is totally real, ok?

Yes, it truly is an amazing story: 4 year old boy, doped up during surgery, has a series of hallucinations that reflect his Christian upbringing. Annoyingly, no one seems to give a shit that it’s medical science that saved this kids life. Instead, everyone is focused on the vivid dreams of a 4 year old boy, who claims God is so gigantic, he can fit the Earth into his hands. Wow, an all-powerful deity that has hands and looks human. How fucking creative.

Now I don’t want to say this kid is lying, but his story sounded like some pretty serious coaching. Jesus had a smile that lit the heavens? Was he bigger or smaller than Mega-God?

So there are no old people in Heaven, just their young selves. What if I prefer my older look? Do I not get to chose? Will no one fuck me in Heaven if I look old or something?

Comments (8)

  • avatar


    God can fit the whole world in his hands… hmmm that reminds me of a childhood brainwashing song??? And Jesus has blue-eyes. A Jew??? And there are no old people in heaven — then how did he recognize his great-grandpa based on the picture of an old man exactly???

  • avatar


    The saddest part about this is how everyone… the interviewer, the father and the audience… have suspended their critical thinking faculties. They just believe what they prefer to be true because it feels good. It’s not so different from why people are alcoholics, or heroin addicts. They do it because it feels good and the truth can go and die. They couldn’t care less about the facts.

  • avatar


    He’s got the whole world in his hands, he’s got the whole world in his hands…

    Unfortrunately Bradley, I don’t think Gretchin has any critical thinking faculties to suspend 😉

  • avatar


    all you have to know if the guy’s name is Todd. Never, ever, trust or pay attention to anyone named Todd. It sounds prejudice, but it’s 100% true.

  • avatar



    My friend’s 4 year old nephew was having night terrors – he claimed to be seeing “demons” so they took him to get blessed by their fundie pastor. My young son has also had those terrible waking nightmares, but instead of “demons” he saw monsters and dinosaurs. And we knew that it was a common thing, didn’t make a big deal of it and they subsided.

  • avatar


    Miscarried fetuses end up in heaven as young adults? I bet that’s a fucking boring conversation.

    “So, what did you do when you were alive?”

    “Actually, I died in the womb.”

    “Oh. I guess you don’t have any favourite books then…?”

    What about ovum that become fertalized but for whatever reason never adhere to the uterine wall, and instead are menstrated out? If life begins at conception, are all those zygotes that never actually resulted in a viable pregnancy young adults in heaven, too?

  • avatar

    Jeannie Z

    that almost made me want to vomit. i can’t believe i watched that…

  • avatar


    Talking about that old song “He’s got the whole world in his hands”… we used to sing “He’s got the whole world in his pants”. It was funny when I was six.

    Wonder how much they’ll make from the book…

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