Ted Haggard says he’d be bisexual if he was 21
Oh Ted, when will you stop living an atrocious lie. The former pastor, disgraced after he was caught doing meth with a gay prostitute (who made a killing selling a book about the affair), now claims he’s really just bisexual in an interview with GQ magazine. Although he might be telling the truth, I find it far more likely poor Ted is busy trying to reconcile his latent homosexuality with the fact he’s married, has children, and devoted his entire life to a book that condemns his sexual orientation.
He also claimed the Bible says homosexuality “is not God’s best plan for people”. That’s just a more diplomatic way of again making gays and lesbians feel as though their sexual orientation is a choice rather than something they are born with.
I’ve got a piece of advice for you Ted, but you’re not going to like it. Abandon your shitty religion. You’ll feel a hell of a lot better once you stop trying to reconcile your beliefs with your need to masturbate other men for pleasure. You’ll stop torturing yourself for being born with a craving for muscle instead of fatty mammary glands. Don’t forget Teddy, the same book that says homosexuality is a sin also says you should stone people who work on Sunday and kids who talk back. Is that really the best guide for modern living?