Ted Haggard says he’d be bisexual if he was 21

Oh Ted, when will you stop living an atrocious lie. The former pastor, disgraced after he was caught doing meth with a gay prostitute (who made a killing selling a book about the affair), now claims he’s really just bisexual in an interview with GQ magazine. Although he might be telling the truth, I find it far more likely poor Ted is busy trying to reconcile his latent homosexuality with the fact he’s married, has children, and devoted his entire life to a book that condemns his sexual orientation.

He also claimed the Bible says homosexuality “is not God’s best plan for people”. That’s just a more diplomatic way of again making gays and lesbians feel as though their sexual orientation is a choice rather than something they are born with.

I’ve got a piece of advice for you Ted, but you’re not going to like it. Abandon your shitty religion. You’ll feel a hell of a lot better once you stop trying to reconcile your beliefs with your need to masturbate other men for pleasure. You’ll stop torturing yourself for being born with a craving for muscle instead of fatty mammary glands. Don’t forget Teddy, the same book that says homosexuality is a sin also says you should stone people who work on Sunday and kids who talk back. Is that really the best guide for modern living?

Comments (3)

  • avatar

    Darren Taggart

    Love that he focuses on the real issue; the ‘meth’ and ‘prostitute’ are a distraction obviously…

  • avatar

    Luc Leblanc

    I love the way he phrase his Bisexuality as if it was a choice he could had made earlier. This tells me that our “Dear” Ted is still unable to accept the biological imperative of sexuality. Sexual orientation is not a choice. Hiring male prostitutes, and using methamphetamine is.

    So here it is, Ted Haggard spinning the truth around again to avoid facing the fact that he deeply loves the cock.

  • avatar


    As usual, these hypocrites reinvent what it is that their god wants or even says about a particular doctrine of said faith. ‘God’ no longer wants death to the homosexuals and sexual deviants, ‘he’ just does not think it’s the “best” lifestyle choice. Even if this absurdity were true, the term “best” means neither good nor bad, but in the context of Haggard’s baseless claim it’s not even worthy of being killed or preventing one from going to “heaven”. You can’t have it both ways, that is for certain.

Leave a Comment

Scroll to top