Pat Robertson is Hilarious

You might recall around New Years, millions of Americans were stuck in the Northeast after a huge blizzard shut down many major airports. While the explanation for bad weather is simple enough, there are those who see the machinations of God in excessive snowfall.

Pat Robertson, the wealthy TV Evangelist who has made a career out of the gullibility and credulity of Americans, has a theory as to why this crazy storm happened:

Because of the bad road conditions the Almighty has made, any gay activities that people were planning on doing will have to be postponed by a day or two.” Additionally, he argued, God shut down major airports in the New York area “so that people who were hoping to fly to do something of a gay nature would have to take a train or a bus, so it might be days before the gay thing they were going to do could occur.”

In other words, people travelling to see their families were probably thinking about doing something really gay (like butt fucking, presumably), and God “punished” them by making them late by a day or two. His power is indeed great! Don’t mess with God, or he might displace your keys, make you forget your dry cleaning, and all the other minor inconveniences that make life unbearable.

If that’s not the proof you need to believe in a vengeful God, then I don’t anything will ever convince you…

NOTE: No one’s quite sure if this article is satire or not, but considering the crazy shit Pat says on a regular basis, this would be pretty milquetoast.

Comments (17)

  • avatar

    TheRichDarkEarth

    “His power is indeed great!” LOL! I was thinking the exact same thing. Forget Leviticus! You’re late!

  • avatar

    Wendy

    I don’t get it!!! If gays are so bad… Why doesn’t God just stop making gays?!?!

  • avatar

    christyguy

    As this story originated on the Borowitz Report (http://www.borowitzreport.com) I would assume it’s satire.

    “in other blizzard-related news, the National Weather Service offered this update: “It’s as white as a Glenn Beck rally out there.”

  • avatar

    McTaffity

    And of course when people are successful in their homosexual endeavours, God must be thinking “drat! Foiled again…”

  • avatar

    MDS

    Didnt Pat Robertson claim to have leg pressed 10,000 lbs?

  • avatar

    Luc Leblanc

    If a snowstorm is the will of Gawd, do this means that the common shovel is the symbol of the Antichrist?

  • avatar

    MDS

    A snow plow represents the War Against Christmas

  • avatar

    Michael

    Someone needs to archive all this crap that religious people (and other woo groups) say. These people need to be held accountable.

  • avatar

    Nick Hudson

    It sounds stupid enough to be something Robertson would say.

  • avatar

    Nick Hudson

    It sounds stupid enough to be something Robertson would say.

    @Michael
    “Someone needs to archive all this crap that religious people (and other woo groups) say”

    Fundies Say the Darndest Things
    http://www.fstdt.com

    Years upon years of fundie, racist. and other wkacko quotes.

  • avatar

    LeetheGirl

    Excuse me, TGA, where is my comment?

  • avatar

    LeetheGirl

    Whoops, I’m sorry I was mistaken.

  • avatar

    Brandon (Men's Battle Plan)

    So Jake, are you going to put some sort of comment up telling your very gullible fans that Pat Robinson didn’t say these things?

    This is at least the third time that you’ve posted satire claiming it’s real.

    When I looked up this quote on google the first few pages are atheist’s sites using these quotes as gasoline on their fake atheist fire.

  • avatar

    Luc Leblanc

    Brandon, aren’t you impressed by the fact that the “good” Rev. Pat Robertson is so far lost in the deep end that we can’t tell the difference between his real statements and a satire of him?

    Besides, din’t the world was supposed to witness Doomsday by 1982?

  • avatar

    Brandon (Men's Battle Plan)

    Yes, Pat Robinson is a moron. But that still doesn’t mean that people should make stuff up and claim it to be real. If it comes from The Onion or a satire site that’s one thing but coming from TGA is different. You crackheads actually believe most of what Jake says is gospel.

    *the crackheads comment is a joke. I’m sure only about 20% of TGA reader actually smoke crack. Those responsible for this comment have been sacked*

  • avatar

    Luc Leblanc

    Of course, Brandon, making stuff up about somebody is bad (Just like calling Darwin a closeted Nazi) but here’s my point; When you can’t made the difference between a caricature and a portrait, it means that the real picture is quite messed-up. Pat Robertson is a pusher of crazy and hairy speeches for the last three decades. His last piece regarding Haiti and the one talking about killing Hugo Chavez were pathetic at best. So, when we are exposed to another crazy exposé with his name at the bottom, we will judge it by his previous material and think it’s true.

    Regarding the drug abuse; be informed that I smoke ten times more crack that anyone I know so I probably take your 20% mark all by myself and leave the rest of the readers quite sober.

  • avatar

    Brandon (Men's Battle Plan)

    Sure, but why not correct yourself when you thought something was true but you learn later that it wasn’t? I don’t like Pat Robinson. But it’s still not right to spread rumors about people.

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