Ready for the ultimate in cockteasing annoying bitches, my dear single atheist friends? Well, you can look forward to blue balls and a headache as Tamara trains an army of Christian women to date nonbelievers with the intent of converting them to their particularly idiotic religion.

Hello, my name is Tamara! As you can probably tell, I’m a Christian woman who loves Jesus Christ and cares for all humans, even the wicked. What you probably don’t know is that I’m hot. My picture below isn’t really that good. I want to use my beauty for GOD, and want to encourage Christian women (my sisters in Christ) to do the same, according to the Great Commission.

Not only can we date hot guys (as only hot Christian girls could do), but hopefully we can lead them to God and help them get saved them from the burning fires of Hell. I’ve outlined a few tips to help you get a date off to the right start, step-by-step. Jesus saves through hooking up with cute heathen guys!

Are you ready for these tips, ladies? We’ll try and ignore the horrible grammar mistakes (judge not, Jacob, lest ye be judged) and focus on the core message here:

1. If he tells your that you are hot…
Tell him God made you hot.

2. If he wants to hold your hand…
Give him a Bible.

3. If he tries to get closer…
Tell him the Holy Spirit is wooing him.

4. If he asks to pay for dinner…
Remind him that Jesus also paid a debt He did not owe!

5. If he reaches his arm around you…
Tell him that nobody will ever be as close to you as Jesus is.
(or ask him if you instead could “lay hands” on him in prayer)

6. If he tries to kiss you…
Remind him that a kiss killed your Savior.
(and you’re not ready to “speak in tongues”)

7. If he asks to come inside…
Ask him if he has asked Jesus to come inside his heart.

8. If he tells you he loves you…
Tell him that Jesus loves him.

9. If he gets angry that you won’t put out…
Clarify to him that W.W.J.D. does NOT mean “Who would Jesus Do.”

10. After you dump him…
Tell him that Jesus Christ will never leave or forsake him.

Can you imagine dating someone like that?

Hot Atheist Guy: “Why don’t we go back to my house for supper”
Annoying Hot Christian chick: “No thanks, Jesus was betrayed during his last supper”

Is there a tip for what happens when this hot guy you’ve been leading on catches wind of your little plan? Odds are he won’t exactly be cool with you trying to use sex to convert him…

**NOTE** If you visit the site, you might want to have some “protection”. It seems to try and download some virulent strain of software. Malicious, or simply a product of unsafe programing? Maybe these Christians need a little proper education of the dangers of unprotected internet browsing…

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There’s been a little debate that’s been raging in one of the post I put up a few days ago, and while I have no forum (yet), I thought necessary to respond to this comment made by our resident Christian, Brandon.

Michelle, Those “myths” in Genesis match the order in which scientist tell us the earth, the moon and everything on the earth were formed.

Please give me evidence to prove otherwise.

I’ll proceed to dissect Genesis to show just how pathetic the scientific knowledge of a primitive desert tribe really was. We’ll start with the first 4 days of creation. This was actually part of a project I called “The Good Atheist Annotated Bible”. Let me know what you guys think:

1:1 In the Begining God created the heaven and the earth

Ok, not a bad begining, but obviously it’s a little bit confusing for you. You thought that it started out with some king of light, or something related to the Big Bang maybe? Yeah, not so much. Even at the very begining, it doesn’t sound like anything a scientist would say when describing the birth of the universe. We’ll get to the light part soon (which will show you how much “science” there really is in this thing), but for now I have to say that I’m fairly unimpressed with this character so far. He begins by creating a tiny, insignificant planet, and follows this master stroke by immediately building some inperceptible magical fun land where he supposedly lives. It kind of like building your house and then building a little doghouse on the side even before you get a puppy.

According to Professor Ellen van Wolde, a respected Biblical scholar, there is a mistranslation in from the Herbre word “bara” which should have made it “In the Begining God separated heaven and earth”. If that’s true, it makes the whole “build your house and doghouse right after” beginning less than stellar.

1:2 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.

Is he surfboarding here? Did God finish building his magical play land and decide he need to hang ten?

1:3 And God said, Let there be light: and there was light

So is this that point in the Bible you think might be a parable to the Big Bang or something? Was it after the Earth was created or before God was surfing on it? It’s almost freaky that those millions of priests never really figured out the Big Bang with such an obvious clue…

1:4 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.

Here we have God boasting about his achievement, presumably to himself. I guess you can create something without seeing it, but the only activity where that happens is when I shit, so I’m going to have to assume that God shit out light, turned around, saw that it was very good, and then when about separating it from darkness. No offense, but it just seems like darkness and light don’t really need any help separating. They seem to do it just fine on their own.

1:5 And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.

Yeah, after naming something, I’m usually pretty tuckered out myself. So, this is the first day, and so far no a lot has happened, but he’s got 6 more, so we’ll let him finish up the others before we really start judging his performance.

1:6 And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.

It’s the beginning of the second day, and again God is still just entirely focused on Earth here. It’s another fairly mediocre start. So far the Universe consists of heaven, some light, and now a planet that finally has some dry land.

1:7 And God made the firmament and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.

If you are wondering why they feel the need to practically repeat themselves here, it’s just because they want presumably to avoid making him seem like a laborer of some sort. God doesn’t “do” anything. He likes to say shit, and then things just happen. It makes him look more regal and less servile. That’s a PR job right there. Here he commands land, which was previously under the water, to float to the top. So basically, ancient Jews believed that the earth was just a large landraft floating on a body of water. They go into more hilarious detail of their vision of the Earth later, as we’ll soon see.

1:8 And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.

Is he creating heaven again?

1:9 And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so.

So now he needs to separate the land and the waters again for some reason. He doesn’t seem to really understand how the planet is actually formed, but that’s not unusual for a group of nomatic desert people living thousands of years ago to have a level of scientific knowledge comparable to a 3 year old.

1:10 And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good.

Here he is look back at his creation, really breathing it in there. He’s thinking to himself “what a fantastic job”. And for what? Day two and he seems about as efficient as a government employee.

1:11 And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.

So far we don’t even have a sun, and already God is busy making grass, trees, wheat and a bunch of stuff human beings can eat. The authors seem especially fond of seeds, which I’m sure back then was like talking about diamonds. When food is your main concern, each fruit seed is a chance to not die of fucking starvation. So obviously, these writers might be a little seed happy. Just saying.

1:13 And the evening and the morning were the third day

It’s the third day, and even now there are no stars, no galaxies, no other planets. There isn’t even the Sun yet, and somehow God is all tuckered out. That has to be the laziest cosmic laborer ever.

1:14 And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years

So now finally we get a bit of action here. God supposedly creates all the tiny lights in the sky as a way for people to read signs. Astrology was the latest fashion back then, so if you didn’t have a crazy nutjob yelling out some stupid absurdities based on all the blinking lights in the sky, you couldn’t be a half decent empire. Christians now don’t like astrology very much, but it’s a pretty big part of their history, and we’ll be referencing it pretty extensively in some of the later chapters. Rest assured: they thought it was pretty cool back then.

1:15 And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.

Yes, we know he made the stars, it’s mentioned twice, since the writers can’t seem to decide what stars are supposed to be for. If you think about it from their limited perspective, the actually purpose for stars must have seemed pretty confusing. They didn’t seem to do anything, and if they did, it usually scared the crap out of people.

1:16 And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.

Here he makes the Sun, and since the authors of the Bible were essentially scientifically retarded, they actually think the moon also generates its own light. To be fair, a lot of kids ask this kind of question. You would be shocked by how few parents actually know the answer, or believe in something similar.

So far we’re only at day 4 and there’s nothing even remotely close to anything resembling the picture of the Universe we have now thanks to modern science. Discuss!

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I find it amusing that a religion that claims exclusive knowledge about the Universe also believe that humility is one of their traits. “I am truly meek in the service of God, but let me tell you exactly what he wants from every human being on this earth…”.

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As if the situation couldn’t get any more outrageous and fucked up, the priest giving the eulogy at David Kato’s funeral took the time to go on an anti-gay rant halfway through(skip to min 5:30 to hear the speech). It’s not enough for these bigots that the man is dead? They also have to shit all over his family and friends as well by spewing this hateful garbage?

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In Canadian circles, Kim Campbell is a bit of a joke; she was Prime Minister by default, and lasted all of 5 minutes in office. Like most politicians, however, her most interesting work has come afterwards. She was on Real Time with Bill Maher last night, and while she remained silent for the first few minutes of the show, she woke up when Kingston started his ridiculous speech about the lack of good science when it came to climate change, and his strong doubts on evolution. Watch with satisfaction as she takes him to school.

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Their lyrics are encouraging, but I’m not going to sugar-coat this: This song, and the band in general, are pretty awful. Still, it’s nice to know there are bands that aren’t afraid to “tell it like it is”. If you enjoy this kind of pussy metal, then I apologize in advance for my comments.

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In light of your economy slowly going down the toilet, a few enlightened politicians are asking the question that’s been on my mind since I’ve started this website: “why are churches tax exempt”. Enter Senator Chuck Grassley, who seems to think that churches are benefiting from tax exemption in a way that is patently unfair:

“THE constitution does not require the government to exempt churches from federal income taxation or from filing tax and information returns.” The potential implications of this comment, in a report earlier this month by Senator Chuck Grassley of Iowa, are starting to dawn on a large chunk of America’s charitable sector, which has until now taken for granted that it is exempt from tax.

The salient point is that abuse is fairly rampant, since unlike charitable organizations, churches aren’t required to open their books to the public, and employees of these organizations often benefit from tax free monies to pay for their mortgages, cars, and other expenses. Worse still, many churches have side businesses such as coffee shops, books stores, and in some cases, even selling oil and gas.

By not paying any taxes, ever citizen is in effect subsidizing religion, and I don’t recall ever being consulted on this matter. I don’t mind paying for roads, health services, firefighters and police officers, but I draw the line at indoctrination. If you want to teach your children about bullshit fairy tales, do it on your own fucking dime.

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I want to make something clear from the onset: yes, it’s true that if you’re an evangelical Christian, it does not necessarily follow that you personally support the maltreatment of gays around the world. However, and this is my main point, you are part of an institution whose views and opinions regarding homosexuality shape a culture of hatred and murder. You cannot escape this reality; any money, time and effort spent spreading the “good word” directly influence events that happen in other countries, specifically because your church leaders have become obsessed with fighting the “sin” of homosexuality.

A few days ago, David Kato, a Ugandan gay activist, was beaten and killed in his own home. While the police maintain that it was simply a robbery, the truth is that they have done little to investigate this crime, and the reason is simple: the country has decided that gays are the enemy. The drafting of the “Kill the Gays” bill had its inspiration from a very familiar source:

The bill was drawn up after a visit to a conference in Uganda by Christian missionaries from the US who believed that some homosexuals could change their sexual orientation through prayer.

“David’s death is a result of the hatred planted in Uganda by US evangelicals in 2009,” according to a statement from Sexual Minorities Uganda, for whom Mr Kato worked as an advocacy officer. “The Ugandan government and the so-called US Evangelicals must take responsibility for David’s blood.”

It matters very little now how many Evangelical leaders condemn this action. The damage has been done, and its unlikely to influence the hearts and mind of the very people they enraged in the first place. It’s like trying to put out a forest fire you lit with a bucket of water. It’s way too little, way too late. In any case, there are powerful individuals that work tirelessly in secret to ensure that gays and lesbians remain “enemy #1″ in the US and around the world.

“The Family”–also known as “the Fellowhship”– is a powerful and covert sect of American Christian evangelical politicians and ministers who seek a decidedly anti-gay extreme Christian agenda both at home and abroad, and through its words put this hammer in the hands of all potentially intolerant Ugandans.

The tabloid “Rolling Stone”, who a few months ago released a list of “known homosexuals” with the words “hang them” on it, has tried to defend its hateful rhetoric. The result is shocking to say the least:

After Wednesday’s killing, Giles Muhame, the editor of Rolling Stone, condemned the murder and said the paper had not wanted gays to be attacked. “If he has been murdered, that’s bad and we pray for his soul,” Muhame told Reuters. “There has been a lot of crime, it may not be because he is gay. We want the government to hang people who promote homosexuality, not for the public to attack them. We said they should be hanged, not stoned or attacked.”

Oh right, thanks for clarifying how they should die, Giles. I mean, a beating is so barbaric and uncivilized…it’s far better simply to hang them, am I right? After all, we wouldn’t want you to be portrayed as a dangerously homophobic lunatic that directly enticed the population of Uganda to engage in vigilante style justice…

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You might recall a few months ago, a Ugandan tabloid called “Rolling Stone” published an article identifying a number of homosexuals in an attempt to entice violence. David Kato brought these homophobic bastards to court, and won. His victory, however, was short-lived, as his infamy in the country eventually led to his murder.

David Kato, the advocacy officer for Sexual Minorities Uganda, was bludgeoned to death in Mukono, Kampala, yesterday afternoon. Witnesses saw a man fleeing the scene in a car, and police are investigating.

Along with other Ugandan gay activists, Kato had reported increased harassment since 3 January, when a high court judge granted a permanent injunction against the Rolling Stone tabloid newspaper, preventing it from identifying homosexuals in its pages.

Although Uganda was always very homophobic, it took the inspiration of evangelical leaders in the US to really stoke the fires, which are raging indeed. It’s becoming increasingly dangerous for gays and lesbians, many of whom are seeking asylum in an attempt to avoid Kato’s fate.

I wonder when the crocodile tears will be shed by evangelical leaders who, without their tireless effort, none of this would have been possible. When will we all wake up to the fact that if they had their way, homosexuals would be jailed, beaten or killed for the “crime” of disobeying the supposed commands of a sky fairy?

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