The Pope goes on the offense

The best defense is a good offense, and no one knows this like the Catholic Church. The Vatican is busy trying to get everyone to forget they’ve been raping kids en masse, so they’re going for the same strategy they’ve always employed when things get dicey: Find a scapegoat.

The key to finding a good scapegoat is to first find someone who is less popular than you are. What’s less popular than child molesters? Well, not much really, but it depends on where you live. There’s still one group around the world generally despised for no good reason: non-believers.

Pope Benedict voiced the Catholic Church’s deep concern over “hostility and prejudice“ against Christianity in Europe on Thursday, saying creeping secularism was just as bad as religious fanaticism…The Pope put what the Vatican has termed “aggressive secularism”, such as gay marriage and restrictions on religious symbols such as crucifixes, nativity scenes and other traditions, on the same level as religious fanaticism.

You hear that, gay marriage advocates? You’re on the same level as the terrorist who straps C4 and shrapnel to his body and blows himself up on a bus full of school children! By trying to get the rest of the world to stand by your deep anal dicking, you’ve thrown the whole world in peril, and it could even start a full blown global conflict. These recent attacks on nativity scenes remind me of when those poor girls in Afghanistan had acid thrown in their face for daring to educate themselves. The two are morally equivalent, don’t you know. Seriously, what did that little plastic baby Jesus ever do to you, atheists?

“The same determination that condemns every form of fanaticism and religious fundamentalism must also oppose every form of hostility to religion that would restrict the public role of believers in civil and political life,” he said.

“It should be clear that religious fundamentalism and secularism are alike in that both represent extreme forms of a rejection of legitimate pluralism and the principle of secularity.”

Yes, the Church should know a thing or two about pluralism. Their belief in the supremacy of their own religion has never caused genocide, torture of women, random murder of thousands of Jews periodically in Medieval Europe, and a host of other terrible shit, right? Truly these religious leaders are the guardians of plurality! Secularism has never allowed people of different faith (regardless of how dumb they are) to coexist peacefully. No, for that to happen, we needed monotheistic religions to be in charge.

Seriously, can you fucking believe this guy?

Comments (4)

  • avatar


    I long ago stopped being shocked and appalled by the actions of this deluded organisation. At this point the pope could make Jason Voorhees a saint and declare staplers an affront to god, and I would barely raise an eyebrow.

  • avatar


    “It should be clear that religious fundamentalism and secularism are alike in that both represent extreme forms of a rejection of legitimate pluralism and the principle of secularity.”

    Did anyone else notice the irony of this statement?

    Also, he doesn’t get to compare secularism to religious FUNDAMENTALISM. That is retarded.

    If religion is the evil twin brother of secularism, then religious fundamentalists would be as bad as secular fundamentalists. Which is a statement that I would whole-heartedly agree with, but where are the secular crazies blowing things up in the name of secularism?

  • avatar

    Kyle Rivest

    Wait a tick, is that saying the pope of the Caotholic church is opposed to religious fanaticism?

    “Hey, don’t get me wrong, sure I’m the leader of world’s largest religious organization and, in the eyes of millions, the infaliable vessle of God’s will on Earth, but I’m not some sort of fanatic.”

  • avatar


    Religious fanaticism (i.e., Fundamentalism; i.e., literal truth of the bible) is what every single person SHOULD be, based upon what they claim. What I mean is that, if every person who said they were a Christian, or Catholic, etc. SHOULD believe and do everything their “good book” tells them to do. But they don’t. Why is this? Could it be that modern society has a level of morality which conflicts with the barbaric nature of their bronze-age morality? Surely this is true. However, as they say, there is strength (and truth?) in numbers. One person in a million that believes something which the other 999,999 do not is deemed delusion. Once 999,999 believe something and one does not, it is no longer delusion. Nevermind that all the evidence and support is in NOT believing this non-tangible idea.

    Secularism is religion’s ONLY hope of existing in a pluralistic society. The only alternative (apart from the total removal of religion) is a theocracy, and this if course only leaves room for a single religion. This concept sounds familiar…

    I support the right of people to believe in whatever nonsense they wish to believe in, so long as they are not given public funds to do so, do not harm or intend to harm others (this includes child indoctrination, genital mutilation, etc.), etc. Belief/faith/religion/etc. is apart of the human right to the freedom of speech (expression) and assembly, but once particular lines are crossed it because something wholly different.

    The Pope is not a stupid man, but he is (because he does have to be) the HEAD spokeperson for his religious ideology. We must given him the same credence we’d give any other harmful, delusional, sycophant (or not).

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