My Jesus statue is bigger than yours!

The first sign someone is a dangerous dictator usually comes when gigantic statues supposedly commemorating the fact these people are our lords and masters start popping up all over the place. It’s a pretty old tactic which is as old as civilization itself. I would have hoped with the death of theocratic tyrants, we would be done with this dangerous tradition. Apparently not.

A small town in Poland decided to build the biggest and evidently tackiest of all the Jesus statues in the world. It stands at over 170 feet tall, a reminder the “king of kings” left specific instructions in the New Testament to build huge structures to let everyone know who is really in charge (yeah, too bad he actually didn’t say anything remotely close to that).

You could argue this tacky monstrosity is intended to attract tourists, but if a giant statue of Jesus is enough to make you travel to this dank hell-hole, you deserve all the shitty food and service you get.

I wouldn’t even have much of an issue with this huge waste of money if not for the fact this beast has a gigantic, golden crown on its head, a clear indication this dude is supposed to be “the ruler of mankind”. Are you not tired of this antiquated and dangerous symbol? Humanity only started tasting a bit of freedom when we said “fuck off” to the whole concept of kings. The last thing we need is a new dictator, especially one who died 2000 years ago (well, supposedly).

On the plus side, you can look at this statue as a testament to the insecurity of the faithful. After all, their God is invisible, and a total no-show so far. The only way “He” can feel real to these deluded apes is by having a gigantic, 170 foot avatar to “remind” them he’s not just a figment of their imagination. Besides, I’m sure by now you’ve all heard the old saying: “the bigger they are, the harder they fall”.

Also, apparently God likes to occasionally smite these graven images

Comments (6)

  • avatar


    Well, the statue will protect the town, but not the way they think: that crown seems to be a very nice lightning rod indeed, even better than that Jesus statue that got burned. I wonder what the radius of protected land around the statue is.

  • avatar


    I love reading your posts, I know I don’t say it enough, but I really just wanted to take a second here and say so — they are a fantastic read and always right on the money.

    Oh, and also I figure I’d mention when I read them I seem to get this visualization of something out of the Angry Video Game Nerd or Nostalgia Critic (that’s a definite compliment). Love the critical style; very well written and entertaining as well as being factual.

    Keep ’em comin!


  • avatar


    If you look at it right, it’s a symbol of how beaten religion is by science!

    Seriously. If it’s actually a lightning rod, then it is a big Jesus statue built with a feature that acknowledges God does not smite people – if the lightning were a precision divine weapon of judgement, they wouldn’t NEED to protect the statue from it.

  • avatar

    Jacob Fortin

    Thanks Riz. It’s nice to hear that.

  • avatar


    It does look tacky! Ha ha, wow.

  • avatar


    yeah, really cheap looking – what an eyesore.

Leave a Comment

Scroll to top