Don’t go hiking with religious nutjobs

Imagine you fall down a ravine, and as you lay unconscious, slowly dying, your companions decide that instead of calling for medical help, they need to pray you back to health. If you’re anything like me, you’d will yourself out of your coma and strangle them with your own entrails. Of course if that doesn’t work, you could always try suing them (it’s less messy anyways).

As it turns out, this actually happened (well, minus the strangling part) about two years ago, when Jason Michael Carlsen fell (or was pushed; no one seems to be sure) down a ravine, his companions decided to try and pray for him to come back to life. Once that inevitably failed, they contemplated for hours whether they should call the police. He was left a total of 6 hours out in the open before being rescued, and spent a month in a coma. Now a paraplegic, he’s suing Sarah Elisabeth Koivumaki and Zachary Gudelunas, the two Bethel School loons who actually thought prayer could save him.

The Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry sounds like it wants to be the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning, minus any actual super powers:

Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry (BSSM) is committed to the truth that God loves people, gave Himself for them and has given His Church supernatural power to bring individuals and nations into wholeness. BSSM is a Holy Spirit driven ministry school where students of all ages come to learn how to live in the Kingdom of God and extend its borders through a supernatural lifestyle

If you’re wondering what a “supernatural lifestyle” is, it basically boils down to teaching students prayer has the power to heal and even bring back people from the dead. It’s difficult to know if these deluded idiots actually thought they could solve the problem by wishing it away, or if they had simply panicked after their companion fell.  That’s the problem when dealing with people who have crazy beliefs; you never really know their true intentions. Koivumaki and Gudelunas claimed they waited for hours to call police out of fear they would be kicked out of school, but because they are accused of actually pushing him off in the first place, it’s equally plausible they were merely trying to get their stories straight.

I think the lesson here is pretty simple: if you go out drinking near the edge of a cliff (something profoundly stupid to begin with), don’t go with anyone who believes they have the power to heal you by wishing to their sky-daddy.

Comments (5)

  • avatar

    Isaac

    If it was me, I wouldn’t have gone hiking with them in the first place. They’re clearly insane.

  • avatar

    chocobar

    So they waited to call the police because they were afraid they would get kicked out of school? Was there a passage in the bible were Jesus let someone die so he wouldn’t look bad? Wow who are these freaks?

    Also, supernatural powers sounds like witchcraft to me. They better be careful they don’t summon a demon. ;-)

  • avatar

    L.Long

    Another example of a real life intelligence test.
    Those you go there are so low on the intelligence scale they should be considered house trained and not much use for anything else.

  • avatar

    robert

    I think the usual excuse will do here: obviously Carlsen didn’t have enough faith and demanded the help of that wicked, un-Godly secular scientific medicine, so God abandoned him. His companions are in the clear because it was all part of God’s plan.

  • avatar

    J.N. Hudson

    Yet another tragedy to add to the already long winded rant I fly into whenever someone says “What’s the harm?” about holding irrational religious beliefs. Did these idiots just Stop, Drop, and Pray him back to life when he fell without even bothering to check to see if he survived in the first place?

    As for these “supernatural powers”… You’d think that at least one of these yahoos would have used their super god powers in public for all the non believers to see and then take credit for converting millions. At the very least you’d think one of them would have used their “powers” to win James Randi’s $1,000,000 challenge, if for no other reason than to part a skeptic with his money. Although I’m sure they all have 1001 reasons as to why they can’t demonstrate them in the aforementioned manners.

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