Magneto-Jesus will end your pain
If you thought the age of miracles had come mysteriously to an end, then you’ve never experienced the healing power of everyone’s favorite man-god, Jesus! Now, you might think 10 bucks is pretty steep for a flimsy copper bracelet with 2 shitty magnets on it, but then again you’ve probably never felt the “Maximum” healing power of the Anointed One! He died for your sins AND for you to be free of crippling joint pain, don’t ya know.
Hey, if that doesn’t sell you immediately, just close your eyes and imagine just how soothing copper really is. It’s the silk of earth’s many metals!