Submit your favorite Bible passages

I’m back from taking a week off, and we’ll be recording a podcast tonight, and I thought it might be fun to get you guys to submit your favorite Bible passages; the ones you think best convey just how ancient, out of touch and barbaric it really is! Ryan and I will be picking our favorites as well, so don’t miss out on your chance to make it in the show!

Comments (38)

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    Numbers 31:17-18
    17Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.

    18But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.

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    Genesis 19:4-8 (KJV)

    But before they lay down, the men of the city, even the men of Sodom, compassed the house round, both old and young, all the people from every quarter:

    And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them.

    And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after him,

    And said, I pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly.

    Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof.

    Deuteronomy 21:18-21 (KJV)

    If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:

    Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place;

    And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.

    And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.

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    “When men fight with one another, and the wife of one draws near to rescue her husband from the hand of him who is beating him, and puts out her hand and seizes him by the private parts, then you shall cut off her hand; your eye shall have no pity.”

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    Simon Campbell

    2 Kings 2:23-24

    Man asks God to send two bears to maul 42 children to death because they mocked his bald head. God delivers.

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    It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. Proverbs 21:19

    Hey… I actually buy that one!

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    Luke 19:27 But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me.

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    Tony Robbins

    Ezekiel 25:17:
    ‘The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides with the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and good will shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon those with great vengeance and with furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know that my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.’


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    Jesus heals a leper-

    Mark 1:41

    Filled with [compassion]*, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!”

    *[Anger] appears in some of the good early manuscripts while [compassion]
    appears in others.

    While anger doesn’t seem to make sense in context, it actually does, since a leper wasn’t supposed to be out in public like that under the law of Moses. It’s not likely that a scribe would have changed compassion to anger on purpose, but the other way around is likely.

    The version with [compassion] or something close to it, appears in every modern English translation I could find. The reason I like this passage so much, is that it illustrates that in every legit, questionable circumstance, the Christians (and make no mistake the translation decisions are dominated by Christians) pick the word that makes the reading better for Christianity.

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    This doesn’t fit the criteria, but my favourite bible quote is Matthew 21:17… “And he left them, and went out of the city into Bethany; and he lodged there.”

    Word up to all the Simpsons fans!

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    Chris M

    “Dear friends, I am not writing a new commandment, for it is an old one you have always had, right from the beginning. This commandment – to love one another – is the same message you heard before. Yet it is also new.” (1 John 2:7-8 NLT)

    its…. just so stupid.

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    I’d like you to talk about the idiots that want the 10 commandments put everywhere like in court houses, they never seem to want the penalties for breaking the commandments mentioned:

    Exodus 22:20 “He that sacrificeth unto any god, save unto the Lord only, he shall be utterly destroyed”

    Exodus 31:15 “Whosoever shall work in the Sabbath day, he shall surely be put to death”

    Exodus 21:17 “And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death”.

    Leviticus 20:10 “And the man that committeth adultery with another man’s wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall be put to death”.

    All are pretty much the same, you get the idea.

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    1Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves’ eyes within thy locks: thy hair is as a flock of goats, that appear from mount Gilead.

    2Thy teeth are like a flock of sheep that are even shorn, which came up from the washing; whereof every one bear twins, and none is barren among them.

    3Thy lips are like a thread of scarlet, and thy speech is comely: thy temples are like a piece of a pomegranate within thy locks.

    4Thy neck is like the tower of David builded for an armoury, whereon there hang a thousand bucklers, all shields of mighty men.

    5Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies.

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    J. N. Hudson

    Psalms 137:9

    Happy [shall he be], that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.

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    I usually stop reading it a Genesis 1:1

    “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.”

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    Roxanne R

    malachai 2:3
    Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take you away with it.

  • avatar

    Charles Sullivan

    Al Green

    Good Love…suck it up…

    Click and enjoy Al Green, sweet gospel music.

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    You need a few more from the NT seeing as Xtians tend to just ignore any criticism of the OT, how about;

    Matthew 6:26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

    Our “Heavenly Father” has done a pretty cruddy job of feeding both birds and humans, yet you often hear this old chestnut rattled out by Xtians.

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    Matthew 10: 34- 37
    34Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.

    35For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

    36And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household.

    37He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

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    Yahweh Thirsts for Virgin Blood!

    Judges 11: 29-39.

    29 Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon Jephthah. He crossed Gilead and Manasseh, passed through Mizpah of Gilead, and from there he advanced against the Ammonites. 30 And Jephthah made a vow to the LORD : “If you give the Ammonites into my hands, 31 whatever comes out of the door of my house to meet me when I return in triumph from the Ammonites will be the LORD’s, and I will sacrifice it as a burnt offering.”

    32 Then Jephthah went over to fight the Ammonites, and the LORD gave them into his hands. 33 He devastated twenty towns from Aroer to the vicinity of Minnith, as far as Abel Keramim. Thus Israel subdued Ammon.

    34 When Jephthah returned to his home in Mizpah, who should come out to meet him but his daughter, dancing to the sound of tambourines! She was an only child. Except for her he had neither son nor daughter. 35 When he saw her, he tore his clothes and cried, “Oh! My daughter! You have made me miserable and wretched, because I have made a vow to the LORD that I cannot break.”

    36 “My father,” she replied, “you have given your word to the LORD. Do to me just as you promised, now that the LORD has avenged you of your enemies, the Ammonites. 37 But grant me this one request,” she said. “Give me two months to roam the hills and weep with my friends, because I will never marry.”

    38 “You may go,” he said. And he let her go for two months. She and the girls went into the hills and wept because she would never marry. 39 After the two months, she returned to her father and he did to her as he had vowed.

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    Dungheap the Ugly

    Ezekiel 4:12 (NIV):
    “Eat the food as you would a barley cake; bake it in the sight of the people, using human excrement for fuel.”

    Ever seen the “Ezekiel 4:9″ Bible bread at the store? Ezekiel 4:12 is the concluding verse to the set of instructions they supposedly use.

    Another set that I like is Exodus 34:11-28, which is the other, weirder ten commandments (and incidentally, the only set which is actually called the “ten commandments”). Make sure you don’t cook a goat in its mother’s milk!

    Since someone asked about New Testament verses, here’s Luke 12:47-48. Note that this is Jesus using the (apparently condoned) beating of slaves as a metaphor for the Judgement.

    “That servant who knows his master’s will and does not get ready or does not do what his master wants will be beaten with many blows. But the one who does not know and does things deserving punishment will be beaten with few blows.”

    Also in the New Testament, First Timothy 2:9-15 has been used to justify misogyny, literally for millenia.

    “I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good
    deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.
    “A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. But women will be saved through childbearing–if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.”

    Hear that, ladies? Although the whole original sin thing is your fault, pushing out a few kids makes up for it.

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    2 JOHN 1:7 For many deceivers are entered into the world, who confess not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh. This is a deceiver and an antichrist.

    Nice covering of the bases here. If you don’t believe in Jebus and follow our religion… YOU ARE DA DEBUL!

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    Yet she increased her whorings, remembering the days of her youth, when she played the whore in the land of Egypt and lusted after her paramours there, whose members were like those of donkeys, and whose emission was like that of stallions.

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    Antichrist in that case just means opposed to Christ.

    That verse is an attack on Christians who thought Jesus was so divine that he couldn’t have had a human body. People would insert things into gospel, or change wording somewhat so that (in their opinion) the gospel would better convey the meaning the original author intended.

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    That verse could possibly have been original to John as well, since it was written around 100 CE.

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    Alicia Trinidad

    “who told you you were naked?” :D
    not exactly barbaric but i almost DIED laughing!

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    I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God.
    Ecclesiastes 3: 12-13

    I still think the Bible is pretty damn interesting even if it is violent at times and most definitely not divinely inspired!

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    Deuteronomy 22:23 If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her;
    22:24 Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour’s wife: so thou shalt put away evil from among you.

    Ahh the killing of a woman if she doesn’t cry loud enough durring a rape. Can you feel the love of god people?!

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    “A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. But women will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.” (I Timothy 2:11-15)

    “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” (Ephesians 5:22-24)

    “Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.” (I Corinthians 14:34-35)

    I love reminding Christian women I know that they are not to speak, are to submit to their husbands in all things, and can be saved through childbearing.

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    I love this bit! Keep it up!

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    david webb

    Talking and other magical animal acts:
    Genesis 3:1-3 Eve listens to the talking serpent. What no talking serpents today to make us sin?
    Num. 22:28-30 an ass speaks to Balaam
    Ex 3:4 a burning bush talks
    Ex 4:4 Moses turns a rod into a snake and back again
    2 Kings 2:25-25 Elisha uses Jehovah’s name to command two bears to kill 42 children
    Jonah 1:17 a fish swallows Jonah for 3 days (how does he breath and why doesn’t he get drowned or consumed in stomach acid?)
    Daniel 6:22-24 Daniel is saved from a lion while others are crushed by the animal
    Exodus 8 Frogs and insect plagues select against Egypt and favour Israel.
    Matthew 17:27 coins are found in the mouths of fishes.
    Luke 8:30-34 suicidal swine are used as host for a legion of demons. (Did the demons die with the swine?)
    Acts 28:3-6 a viper bites but does not kill Paul
    Acts 10:10-11 Peter sees vision in a trance
    Acts 9:10 Ananias has a vision
    Acts 9:3-4 Saul has a vision that no one else sees
    Acts 27:22-24 Paul relates his saving vision about boat wreck.
    What no vision these days? Acts 2:17 says “…and in the last days …I shall pour out my spirit on every sort of flesh … and (they) will see visions and dreams…”
    Acts 2:43 …many portents and signs began to occur through the apostles”

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    david webb

    Adam was given both language and intelligence by God and could communicate with God (Gen. 2:16-17.) But in Gen 2:19-20 Jehovah brings animals to Adam to name (‘…to see what he would call each one…’) which Adam could only do with words already given to him by God! Taxonomy is a highly developed and complicated skill set. Millions of species of living creatures and plants exist – the Genesis narrative simplifies the task to an inane level.
    Eve is then created (Gen 2:21-23) as “…bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh…” making Eve a genetic clone and sister rather than the necessary DNA difference understood to be required by modern genetics as a partner should be.

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    david webb

    Genesis 6:15 measures Noah’s ark at 300x50x30 cubits which converts to 133x22x13 metres built on 3 levels (each level approx. 4 metres high – there was a roof) Elephants and giraffes would be close to or exceed that height). There are 50,000 species of animal and hundreds of thousands (maybe a million some scientists say) of species of insects to be housed. Gen 6:21 also commands that adequate food is carried for people and animals for the year (Gen 7:11 and 8:13 = 1 year and 10 days) that the flood lasted. Noah and family cleaned the Ark of all animal waste every day for a year!! It is questionable that an olive freshly plucked branch would have been available for the bird to bring back after a year of submersion as plants also drown to death!
    On the Ark carnivores would need flesh (including fish for penguins, sea birds, sea lions and seals!) so many additional animals for food are needed. The combination of creatures, their food supply (and water supply? Note that Noah could not see out of the ark ( Gen 8:8) so how did he get water and a food supply to keep all animals fed during the flood and after release from the ark after the flood (all grasses, trees, seeds, insects etc. would not be available for some time after the flood) Note that carnivores (all cat, dog, weasel, bear, bird etc. families) would have to eat meat which would have reduced available prey to breed adequately in adequate volume. How was peace brought to the Ark with so many hunters and prey side by side?

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    david webb

    Gen 11:5-9 relates that God conversed with himself (or others in heaven) and says that ‘this is what they start to do’ in that people built a tower ‘with its top in the heavens’. God proceeds to confuse their language. Towers today are infinitely taller than babel could have been (engineering and materials restrictions) and even space probes and human travellers travel into space thousands or billions of kilometres. God has not stopped that ‘babel style’ in any manner. In fact in this smaller world even language barriers are considerably reduced – is this against Gods purpose?

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    david webb

    An incident with Philip (Acts 8:39-40 New International Version) indicates that he was transported (Starship Enterprise style) from Gaza to Ashdod instantly about 50 klms.
    In the instance of astrologers finding a star (how did they know what it meant when they claimed they ‘saw his star’?) and in Matt 2:9 the star stopped where the young child was – Has anyone seen a star in the heavens the would remotely identify a building never mind a town it was hovering over. It must have been a glow-worm!

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    david webb

    If the likely number of people at the Flood was 4 million (my calculation) only 8 survived a terrible slaughter. In Revelation most of the world’s population will die – 7,000,000,000 (7 billion) people and all creatures will be slaughtered (Rev:16) This is the most ungodly, inhuman, unfeeling, unloving, cruel, act EVER. Humans were created in this image?? Jehovah is the biggest weapon of mass destruction ever devised. A God of such dimension is beyond explanation and conception. Petty, jealous, fractious, mean, capricious and wicked are some of the traits we could use to describe such a god. (Maybe we should mobilise the armies of the World to combine and attack this fractious God of mass destruction!)
    Joshua 6:21 the whole of Jericho slaughtered including children and animals.
    2 Samuel 24:15 because of David’s action Jehovah killed 70,000 people!
    Matt 1:13-16 the killing of firstborn by Herod was not stopped by God – however in Acts 12:21-23 Herod is struck down because he didn’t give glory to God (the God of the Bible must be the epitome of vanity – were we really created in this image!!)

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    david webb

    Imagine Jehovah sitting at his wall of live screens watching the world. Each screen has acts of violence, murder, rape, child abuse, road accident, war violence, cancer and illnesses all happening and about to happen right now throughout the World amongst 7 billion people. Millions of people are praying for his help. He CAN – with his power – do something to stop it but chooses not to do so! He has some strange, self-imposed and self-determined, rule about when he should prove his power to the world and Satan which is such a mystery that numerous religions cannot consistently give an answer. The outcome of the Satanic and Messianic battle is determined and pre-ordained so why put the universe in such agony as to await some ungodly timeframe. Indeed why not have slaughtered Adam and Eve (and the serpent/devil) and immediately started again.

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    Daniel Astacio

    Awesome Website!!! The bible has good and bad just like everything else. we are *Stardust alien race creatures.

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