Touchdown Jesus hit by lightning, burns to the ground
It’s a miracle! The One True God has finally revealed himself to us, and has decided to show his complete disapproval of idolatry by burning the effigy of some 2000 year old Jewish hippie with his Zeus lightning. It’s clear from this random disaster that “He” would much prefer his proper form to be represented by a thin, partially charred stick figure. Truly his form is both magnificent and thankfully easy to draw!
Oh shit, apparently they’re rebuilding that Jesus monstrosity this summer. Do they not see the writing on the wall? If I believed that natural disasters were the result of an anthropomorphic deity’s anxieties, would it not be normal to conclude that perhaps remaking this gaudy eye-sore isn’t entirely wise? Hey, here’s an idea: make the next version fireproof!