Didn’t you know, football is “un-Islamic”!?

As a North American, I’ve never really understood the rest of the world’s fascination with football (what we continue to call soccer just to spite the rest of you). I mean, for fuck sake, you have entire matches that are scoreless. Scoreless! How am I supposed to feel excited for a sport where a lot of nothing is happening? Say what you will about my chosen sport; at the very least in mine, someone is actually getting hurt.

Well, looks like being in physical danger is now an integral part of being a fan of football in the hellhole that is Somalia. Seems a roving gang of Islamic fundamentalists are touring the countryside beating mercilessly anyone who dares to watch this “un-Islamic” sport.

A spokesman for the group, Sheik Mohamed Abdi Aros said the rest of Somalia should respect their ban on the World Cup. “We are warning all the youth of Somalia not to dare watch these World Cup matches. It is a waste of money and time and they will not benefit anything or get any experience by watching mad men jumping up and down.”

Yes, Somalia should respect anyone who tries to use violence to get their way. By “not benefit anything”, he’s really implying they will benefit from having their asses beaten to within an inch of their lives, all for the sin of watching passively as people kick a ball around. It’s not small irony for a sport that brings the whole world together, there’s still a bunch of religious fundamentalist shit-heads who want to tear us apart again.

Comments (8)

  • avatar

    J. N. Hudson

    There is an idea have had rattling around my head since I was a teenager with the noose of a fundamentalist family around my neck…

    “Fundamentalists only goal is to suck all fun and enjoyment out of life.”

    That’s how I saw it growing up in a house where cartoons, comic books, high school sports, and any TV other than The 700 Club were absolutely forbidden and indulging in them was met with threats and physical violence. And that’s exactly how I see this shit in Somalia over the World Cup. Religions that claim to be all about “love” and “peace”, yet they so redily resort to violence and threats when they don’t get their way. It would be funny if it weren’t so damn sad.

    My theory is that fundamentalists of all stripes, religious, ideological, or otherwise, are just plain miserable, but instead of discarding this dogma that makes them miserable they would rather take it out on others and remove any joy they may find in life. Basically externalized self loathing.

  • avatar


    Haha!!! Jacob dude, you have barbaric tastes!

    but yeah, somalia’s pretty fucked.

  • avatar


    Happiness, joy, fairness, intelligence, reason, logic equality are all un-Islamic @>:~(}

  • avatar


    Nice psychoanalysis, J.N.. Glad you made it out alive 🙂

    As someone who hates organized sports like he hates organized religion [and for many of the same reasons], this action makes total sense.

    By that, I mean to say it’s no surprise that a paranoid, violent, control-obsessed group of people would rally against something that captures too much cultural importance.

    Boiled down, it’s just more interfaith bullshit. And, another example of religion riding pop-culture’s coattails for attention.

  • avatar


    I say we ship in some British football hooligans, that’ll teach’em.

  • avatar


    Davo, that’s the best Muhammad drawing I’ve seen in a comment *anywhere*. Nice work. ^_^

    And yeah, I’m telling a lot of people about this shit already. The more outrage this begets around the world, the better.

  • avatar

    J. N. Hudson

    As an addendum to my previous observations on batshit crazy fundamentalists…. There also seems to be some odd form of Histronics by proxy going on there too. Almost as if they have a pathological need for their religious beliefs, rather than themselves, must be the center of all attenion. As if the very act of devoting attention to something other than the religion and it’s attendent dogma will invalidate not only the religion in question, but themselves as well. The sad thing is tht they may well be right. Many fundies have tied their self esteem, sense of worth, and indeed their very personalities to whatever belief they cling to, until they are nearly one and the same.

    @ keeyop
    I made it out more or less undamaged, but then a few years later my maternal grandfather left me all his property in his will (including the houses that the batshit fundie side of the famaly lives in.). So I packed up the kids and (now ex)wife #2 and moved back to my hometown… just to piss them off.

    @ Davo
    Awesome Mohammed image. Now if only it would go viral…

  • avatar


    dang, i COMPLETELY missed the emoticon of “the prophet”!
    maybe it’s my screen font, but i still don’t see it…

    looks more like a haloed double-scoop ice cream cone, roller skating on top of a coat hanger. [is that Freudian? can ascii art be a Rorschach test?] =[;*> great, now my neck hurts.

Leave a Comment

Scroll to top