Didn’t you know, football is “un-Islamic”!?
As a North American, I’ve never really understood the rest of the world’s fascination with football (what we continue to call soccer just to spite the rest of you). I mean, for fuck sake, you have entire matches that are scoreless. Scoreless! How am I supposed to feel excited for a sport where a lot of nothing is happening? Say what you will about my chosen sport; at the very least in mine, someone is actually getting hurt.
Well, looks like being in physical danger is now an integral part of being a fan of football in the hellhole that is Somalia. Seems a roving gang of Islamic fundamentalists are touring the countryside beating mercilessly anyone who dares to watch this “un-Islamic” sport.
A spokesman for the group, Sheik Mohamed Abdi Aros said the rest of Somalia should respect their ban on the World Cup. “We are warning all the youth of Somalia not to dare watch these World Cup matches. It is a waste of money and time and they will not benefit anything or get any experience by watching mad men jumping up and down.”
Yes, Somalia should respect anyone who tries to use violence to get their way. By “not benefit anything”, he’s really implying they will benefit from having their asses beaten to within an inch of their lives, all for the sin of watching passively as people kick a ball around. It’s not small irony for a sport that brings the whole world together, there’s still a bunch of religious fundamentalist shit-heads who want to tear us apart again.