Chuck Norris needs a history lesson

I should probably be resigned to the fact Chuck Norris is insane and leave it at that. Unfortunately, his cult like status in society, helped largely by “Chuck Norris facts” which were an Internet phenomenon, seems to allow him a soapbox to preach his insane gospel.

His latest tirade is directed against President Obama, who he feels has failed to put enough emphasis on Jesus during Christmas time. It seems that unless you are telling everyone Jesus is the Lord of the Universe every ten seconds, you’ve failed as a President.

As with many of you, I still remember a day even in Washington when Christ was central to Christmas. It was an America that was far less politically correct – an America that wasn’t afraid to stand up for its belief in the babe who was born in Bethlehem.

When was this Chuck? Presumably also back in the day when it was OK for black people to have their own drinking fountains too, eh? Norris likes to point to the fact that George Washington and Thomas Jefferson loved Christmas, which he believes means they must have loved Jesus as well. He’s blind to the fact Jefferson was accused by his opponents of being an atheist, and Washington, well, his parties seemed to be a lot more fun than the kind Chuck is probably used to. Here’s a testimony from one of his escaped slaves:

She says that the stories told of Washington’s piety and prayers, so far as she ever saw or heard while she was his slave, have no foundation. Card-playing and wine-drinking were the business at his parties, and he had more of such company Sundays than on any other day.

I’m sure in his mind, the Founding Fathers were men of God. He believes this because he needs it to be true (how devastating would it be if he ever admitted many founding fathers had a disdain for religion?); he’s not a particularly smart man, and the concept of intellectual integrity is no match for his roundhouse kicks!

Comments (6)

  • avatar

    The Big Blue Frog

    Chuck Norris has received one too many boots to the head.

  • avatar

    Chris Carney

    Chuck Norris doesn’t do press ups, he pushes the world down.

    Oh and he is wrong about Christmas being about Jesus. Anyone who thinks that Christianity invented it is very naive indeed.

  • avatar

    Jessica Sideways

    It is apparent from many of the thigns that Chuck Norris says and has said that he must have spent his entire time in school (until he probably dropped out in the third grade) on the short bus. That would make sense…

  • avatar

    Zombie Jesus

    History is written by the victor, and the victor is Chuck Norris.

    Washington’s got nothing on good ol’ John A. MacDonald (Canada’s first Prime Minister, for you Americans), who gave his most memorable and famous speech–possibly one of the best in Canadian History–to congress while completely intoxicated.

  • avatar

    Matt Beezy

    The majority of the wealthy who profess God belief are lying. It’s that simple.

    It’s an easy way to act as if they believe their wealth is justified. They act (pretend to be) stupid and say something along the lines of “God loves me and gave me this wealth”, rather than acknowledge that the wealth/ financial freedom that they enjoy is the product of many workers.

    It’s the same with other wealthy individuals. Every man hour put in should get at the most 4 man hours worth of reward (for exceptional work). Anything over that (the thousands of man hours of labor the wealthy spend on them selves) is simply criminal, unethical, immoral and cancerous on society. Those who condone this through claims of God’s “blessings”, or those that claim their special type of work justifies their disgustingly fatass consumption of labor “I worked one hour, so deserve 1000 work hours worth of stuff” are parasites of society, and like intestinal worms need to be eliminated in order for society to be healthy.

    If society becomes healthy, work weeks will gradually dwindle to 20 hours for every able member of society, as there will no longer be the drain of billions of man hours of labor supporting the extravagances of the disgusting parasitic consumers.

    We will enter an idyllic age in which the greedy parasites of society are enslaved and beaten for our entertainment, not to have any right or privilege as they have lost the claim to either, at least in this lifetime (as they claim to believe in the afterlife, let them have it). Those of us who have not taken advantage of fools with claims of an afterlife will rule the liars with cruelly stoic absolute justice, and treat them as they have treated the poor for such a long time, to be an example for any liars who would rise up and deceive the world again.

  • avatar

    Blue Nine

    So Chuck Norris thinks that people took the Christ out of Christmas due to “political correctness”, while he thinks everybody should put it back in. I think it’s funny when conservatives complain about political correctness. They usually do it when complaining that someone, somewhere disagrees with them. Aren’t they doing the very thing they are complaining about?

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