What’s the CARM?

You have to love Christian apologetics. These are the guys who dedicate their lives trying to explain away all the stupid, awful, or just plain terrible stuff from the Bible. The Christian Apologetics & Research Ministry is the saddest example of the need many Christians have of a supposedly rational world view. The site dedicates itself to trying to prove the Bible is consistent and truthful, which is about as fruitful as trying to prove  rainbows really DO have a pot of gold on the other side.

Here is CARM’s mandate directly from their website:

Why this site? – To equip Christians with the truth, to expose the error of false religious systems, evolution, to teach apologetics, help Christians defend the faith, and to glorify the Lord Jesus.

They have a section on atheists (which is relatively harmless and amusing), but the crown jewel of the site has to be the gargantuan effort of trying to prove that the story of Noah’s Ark in Genesis was a literal event. The author decides to try and “scientifically” break down the distribution of all the various species to prove it would be possible to hold all these animals on just one boat. It’s like trying to fit an entire bag of marshmallows in your mouth; even if you can do it, who the fuck cares?

I’ll start by telling you that the article, though attempting to be fair, bungles up the numbers right away. The author places the amount of different insects species at about 850,000, which is only off the mark by roughly 6-10 million. He grossly underestimates the amount of mammalian and avian species currently known (ignoring all the ones we actually haven’t discovered yet), and fails to explain something as simple as their “redistribution” after the flood (**note** I wrote that marsupials were found only in Australia, but I was mistaken. They may have originated in Southeast Asia, but the point is still the same).

Of course the most obvious question (other than “are you an idiot, sir?”), is “how did all these wild animals not eat each other? It’s kind of what they do. OK, Mr. Science man, tell us how they did it:

It should also be considered that many animals can hibernate. Additionally, predators and prey have been known to live peacefully together during situations of stress like fire, flood, or earthquake. In the Ark, animal behavior probably would have been different from normal daily life. Specialists in animal behavior have noted that animals can sense danger and have often migrated to escape it. Perhaps God used their migratory instincts to get them to the Ark.

Though this is only a brief analysis, it should present enough evidence that the Ark account is certainly within the realm of possibility.

Replace brief with retarded, and we’re in complete agreement, buddy.

Comments (8)

  • avatar

    T Mackiewicz

    I always wondered who the lucky person/animal was that got to feed the blood suckers like leechs and mosquitos, not to mention any of the parasitic life.

  • avatar


    maybe God miniaturized all the animals.

  • avatar

    T Mackiewicz

    How is it that someone was able to identify the male and females of every species? Do people not know that we have just recently figured out how to tell the genders of many animals? Many animals don’t have easy to identify genitals. Besides that, I wonder who was charged with being the animal/insect genital fondler?

  • avatar


    Another interesting site is New Advent (http://www.newadvent.org/). It’s a strictly Catholic-oriented apologetics website, most notable for having the entire Summa Theologica online. Being Catholic, it at least tries to make logical sense of everything, as opposed to the virulint strain of American Protestantism.

  • avatar


    I love almost everything about Christian Apologetics.

    It makes Christianity look retarded when they try to reconcile what they actually think with reality. They either bend the Bible’s words until they are unrecognizable, or bend reality like they did in your Ark example.

    Also, i love the word ‘apologetics’, when it’s applied to Christianity. ‘Apologetics’ in that context means to me, I apologize for the stupidity of my argument, but I believe in God no matter what, so i have to spout this stupid bullshit.

  • avatar

    Ian Goldberg

    Arent possums marsupials? We have a lot of them in Florida

  • avatar


    “In the Ark, animal behavior probably would have been different from normal daily life.”

    They should do like to use words such as “probably” and “possibly.” But how do you know that the above is probably true? Does he know of any studies whereby researchers locked a bunch of predator-prey combinations of animals in a ship, sent it adrift, and then checked 40 days later to see what happened? No – but there is a possible “research program” for you :)

    “Perhaps God used their migratory instincts to get them to the Ark.”

    This is what it ultimately comes down to. Whatever parts are too unlikely can always be explained by God doing something magical.

  • avatar


    // Arent possums marsupials? We have a lot of them in Florida //

    Yeah, opossums are also marsupials.

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