Cthulhu and the Constitution

After seeing the travesty that was the original, it’s nice to know people with Photoshop skills can still make fun of wacky Christians. I personally find it puts everything in perspective; why isn’t it as likely that the constitution was “inspired” by Cthulhu rather than Jesus? If you think it’s because the Founding Fathers were Christians, you need to read a fucking history book that wasn’t written by a Baptist Minister, son!

(props to Pharyngula for the find)

Comments (8)

  • avatar


    xD This has been my Desktop Wallpaper since last week when this was originally posted on the site.

  • avatar


    This seems a lot more likely.

  • avatar


    //This seems a lot more likely.//

    Are you saying there is some doubt as to the existence of Cthulhu’s infinite rage and hate.

  • avatar


    satan’s Reaction is Priceless!

  • avatar

    James Anderson

    I’m preatty sure that the patriot act.

  • avatar

    Grayson Neal

    You are obviously very ignorant in YOUR history, sir. If you read quotes from the founding fathers, you will see how they even discuss the fact that the constitution and foundation of freedom. I will provide a list as such.

    John Adams:
    “ The general principles upon which the Fathers achieved independence were the general principals of Christianity… I will avow that I believed and now believe that those general principles of Christianity are as eternal and immutable as the existence and attributes of God.”

    “I have examined all religions, as well as my narrow sphere, my straightened means, and my busy life, would allow; and the result is that the Bible is the best Book in the world. It contains more philosophy than all the libraries I have seen.” December 25, 1813 letter to Thomas Jefferson

    Benjamin Franklin: | Portrait of Ben Franklin
    “ God governs in the affairs of man. And if a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without his notice, is it probable that an empire can rise without His aid? We have been assured in the Sacred Writings that except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it. I firmly believe this. I also believe that, without His concurring aid, we shall succeed in this political building no better than the builders of Babel” –Constitutional Convention of 1787 | original manuscript of this speech

    “In the beginning of the contest with Britain, when we were sensible of danger, we had daily prayers in this room for Divine protection. Our prayers, Sir, were heard, and they were graciously answered… do we imagine we no longer need His assistance?” [Constitutional Convention, Thursday June 28, 1787]

    In Benjamin Franklin’s 1749 plan of education for public schools in Pennsylvania, he insisted that schools teach “the excellency of the Christian religion above all others, ancient or modern.”

    In 1787 when Franklin helped found Benjamin Franklin University, it was dedicated as “a nursery of religion and learning, built on Christ, the Cornerstone.”

    Alexander Hamilton:
    • Hamilton began work with the Rev. James Bayard to form the Christian Constitutional Society to help spread over the world the two things which Hamilton said made America great:
    (1) Christianity
    (2) a Constitution formed under Christianity.
    “The Christian Constitutional Society, its object is first: The support of the Christian religion. Second: The support of the United States.”

    On July 12, 1804 at his death, Hamilton said, “I have a tender reliance on the mercy of the Almighty, through the merits of the Lord Jesus Christ. I am a sinner. I look to Him for mercy; pray for me.”

    “For my own part, I sincerely esteem it [the Constitution] a system which without the finger of God, never could have been suggested and agreed upon by such a diversity of interests.” [1787 after the Constitutional Convention]

    “I have carefully examined the evidences of the Christian religion, and if I was sitting as a juror upon its authenticity I would unhesitatingly give my verdict in its favor. I can prove its truth as clearly as any proposition ever submitted to the mind of man.”

    Thomas Jefferson:
    “ The doctrines of Jesus are simple, and tend to all the happiness of man.”

    “Of all the systems of morality, ancient or modern which have come under my observation, none appears to me so pure as that of Jesus.”

    “I am a real Christian, that is to say, a disciple of the doctrines of Jesus.”

    “God who gave us life gave us liberty. And can the liberties of a nation be thought secure when we have removed their only firm basis, a conviction in the minds of the people that these liberties are a gift from God? That they are not to be violated but with His wrath? Indeed I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just, and that His justice cannot sleep forever.” (excerpts are inscribed on the walls of the Jefferson Memorial in the nations capital) [Source: Merrill . D. Peterson, ed., Jefferson Writings, (New York: Literary Classics of the United States, Inc., 1984), Vol. IV, p. 289. From Jefferson’s Notes on the State of Virginia, Query XVIII, 1781.]

    James Madison
    “ We’ve staked our future on our ability to follow the Ten Commandments with all of our heart.”

    “We have staked the whole future of American civilization, not upon the power of government, far from it. We’ve staked the future of all our political institutions upon our capacity…to sustain ourselves according to the Ten Commandments of God.” [1778 to the General Assembly of the State of Virginia]

    George Washington:

    Farewell Address: The name of American, which belongs to you, in your national capacity, must always exalt the just pride of Patriotism, more than any appellation derived from local discriminations. With slight shades of difference, you have the same religion” …and later: “…reason and experience both forbid us to expect, that national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle…”

    “It is impossible to rightly govern the world without God and Bible.”

    “What students would learn in American schools above all is the religion of Jesus Christ.” [speech to the Delaware Indian Chiefs May 12, 1779]

    “To the distinguished character of patriot, it should be our highest glory to add the more distinguished character of Christian” [May 2, 1778, at Valley Forge]

    During his inauguration, Washington took the oath as prescribed by the Constitution but added several religious components to that official ceremony. Before taking his oath of office, he summoned a Bible on which to take the oath, added the words “So help me God!” to the end of the oath, then leaned over and kissed the Bible.

    You sir, therefore, are wrong.

  • avatar

    AG Nostic

    What of these then Grayson Neal ?

    Thomas Jefferson
    Principle author of the Declaration of Independence
    3rd President of the United States

    “Question with boldness even the existence of a god; because if there be one he must approve of the homage of reason more than that of blindfolded fear.”

    in a letter to Peter Carr, August 10, 1787

    Benjamin Franklin
    One of the 5 authors of the Declaration of Independence
    Ambassador to France

    “I have found Christian dogma unintelligible. Early in life I absented myself from Christian assemblies.”

    in “Toward a Mystery”


    Thomas Paine
    Founding father and author of American Crisis which was read to the troops for inspiration by General George Washington

    “All national institutions of churches, whether Jewish, Christian or Turkish, appear to me no other than human inventions, set up to terrify and enslave mankind, and monopolize power and profit.”

    in “Age of Reason”


    AG Nostic

  • avatar


    Mr AG Nostic,

    1. I wholeheartedly agree with Mr. Jefferson’s view. Faith is not the opposite of facts, rather it is built in from facts. When we were in first grade, we learned that adding one apple to another gave us the sum of two apples. After learning that fact we found that adding one to those two apples produced three. And so forth. Soon, those facts gave me faith to believe I don’t need a thousand apples to know that adding one to nine hundred ninety nine produces a thousand. My faith is borne from fact accumulation. The opposite of faith is then ignorance. Therefore, if there is a God, much more a findable/knowable God of Christianity, faith built on intellectual discovery is infinitely truer than blind fear.

    2. That quote is an indictment of his view of denominational doctrine, not against Biblical teaching. His view of Christianity is evident in his desire for it to be used for public education, for example:

    “History will also afford frequent Opportunities of showing the Necessity of a Publick Religion, from its Usefulness to the Publick; the Advantage of a Religious Character among private Persons; the Mischiefs of Superstition, &c. and the Excellency of the Christian Religion above all others antient or modern.”
    – Proposals Relating to the Education of Youth in Pensilvania (1749), p. 22

    One could also argue, as colossal a thinker Mr. Franklin was, there were some things he couldn’t grasp or didn’t care to investigate and left them unintelligible, the divinity of Jesus being one of them, hence his “Deist” tag. But that didn’t shake his faith in the supremacy of the Christian religion, as evidenced here in a letter one month before his death in 1790 to the president of Yale, Ezra Stiles:

    “As to Jesus of Nazareth, my Opinion of whom you particularly desire, I think the System of Morals and his Religion, as he left them to us, the best the world ever saw or is likely to see; but I apprehend it has received various corrupt changes, and I have, with most of the present Dissenters in England, some Doubts as to his divinity; tho’ it is a question I do not dogmatize upon, having never studied it, and I think it needless to busy myself with it now, when I expect soon an Opportunity of knowing the Truth with less Trouble.”

    3. As for Mr. Paine’s “Age of Reason”, I’ll let Mr. Franklin address that in a letter he wrote in 1757, that people attribute to being in response to the “Age of Reason”, but wasn’t … but his message is just as applicable there:

    “I have read your manuscript with some attention. By the argument it contains against a particular Providence, though you allow a general Providence, you strike at the foundation of all religion. For without the belief of a Providence that takes cognizance of, guards, and guides, and may favor particular persons, there is no motive to worship a Deity, to fear his displeasure, or to pray for his protection. I will not enter into any discussion of your principles though you seem to desire it. At present I shall only give you my opinion that … the consequence of printing this piece will be a great deal of odium [hate] drawn upon yourself, mischief to you, and no benefit to others. He that spits into the wind, spits in his own face. But were you to succeed, do you imagine any good would be done by it? … Think how great a portion of mankind consists of weak and ignorant men and women and of inexperienced, inconsiderate youth of both sexes who have need of the motives of religion to restrain them from vice, to support their virtue. … I would advise you, therefore, not to attempt unchaining the tiger, but to burn this piece before it is seen by any other person. … If men are so wicked with religion, what would they be if without it.”

Leave a Comment

Scroll to top