Jesus and the Constitution


I feel like this painting is like one of those hilarious “spot the fallacy” kind of games, so I thought it might be fun to try and point out as many hilarious flaws present in this shitty painting. Feel free to add to the list in the comments:

#1. Jesus did not invent the Constitution. It’s no small irony that most of the Founding Fathers were deists.
#2. Supreme Court Judges are apparently crybabies.
#3. The painter has a huge boner for soldiers. There are over 8 different types of military personnel.
#4. Ronald Regan gets more face time than the majority of the founding fathers.
#5. They included Thomas Paine in there, despite the fact that he wrote a book destroying Christianity.
#6. No visible signs of slavery or racism here. All the black people look pretty happy about the fact that these same dutiful Christians enslaved them for a few hundred years, all inspired by the Bible!
#7. Satan is hanging out with the University Professor, “Mr. Hollywood”, the Liberal Media, and Lawyers (ok, that one is more fair). Also, Alexander Hamilton appears to be the only founding father to spot Satan, and he looks pretty calm about the whole thing.
#8. The only visible immigrant (Chinese perhaps) is cowering before the shiny head of Jesus
#9. Even a little kid can see that Jesus’ name does not appear in the Constitution, nor is his signature there.

What else can you guys find?

(props to Andrew Sullivan for the find)

Comments (30)

  • avatar

    CybrgnX

    I can see a look of disapproval on Jepus cause this document isn’t written according to BuyBull principles. and violates the 10 Suggestions.

  • avatar

    Zac

    A couple of the founding fathers can be seen saluting by pressing their hand to their heart, even though the correct salute during their lifetime (actually, from their lifetime until the rise to power of Hitler) the true salute to the flag was the Roman (aka “Nazi”) Salute.

    Fredrick Douglass can be spotted WAAAAAY in the back, which proves how much the painter truly cares about such an inspiring figure of the abolition movement.

    Ben Franklin, the outspoken Agnostic womanizer, is shown facing towards Jesus once again giving the improper salute.

    Harriet Tubman can be seen even farther in the background that Douglass, barely visible behind a Revolutionary soldier and Thomas Paine; which once again states how much the painter cares about the heroes of the abolition movement.

  • avatar

    Krischn

    Well, I don’t see why “Pregnant Woman” is among the bad guys. Is she gonna have an overdue abort or something?

  • avatar

    Razzle

    Jesus’s signature is in the constitution. Just as god is invisible so was Jesus’s signature in the constitution. You’re taking it too literally!

  • avatar

    Azathoth

    Here’s the fixed version of this painting:

    http://imgur.com/r4e2C.jpg

  • avatar

    Krischn

    @azathoth

    So Cthulhu wrote the constitution. Well, I’m not sure if we can agree on that ;)

    Nice wallpaper anyhow.

  • avatar

    Jarek

    - The school teacher looks a little like Palin (blech).
    - The tree on Jesus’ robe looks like it’s from Lord of the Rings.
    - Satan looks like a creepy old witch.
    - The kneeling soldier apparently fought in WWII, Korea, and Vietnam and is more than one person.
    - Jesus is dressed in Golden Robes even though he taught to give all your money to the poor.
    - This is a disgusting image of fascist revisionism and I feel like I’m going to throw up.

  • avatar

    Jarek

    And I do find it interesting that the right-winger who painted this didn’t put the immigrant over at the left hand of Jebus.

  • avatar

    Iason Ouabache

    Notice that the school teacher and doctor are super awesome while the Professor is evil incarnate. Who wants to bet that the artist flunked out of college.

  • avatar

    Iason Ouabache

    Also, the lawyer looks suspiciously like Casey Luskin.

  • avatar

    Chris

    Jesus still is not healing anybody, let alone the handicapped child.

    Abe Lincoln is in the middle of a musical number.

  • avatar

    Razzle

    Did the artist not realize Lincoln was probably an atheist and at least a deist?

  • avatar

    Robert

    Well, he got the lobbyist counting his money right anyway.

  • avatar

    Arynn

    It’s shit like this that convinced me to become a history teacher. It’s so wrong, on so many levels.

    Oh, and Davy Crokett was pro squatters rights, a rather socialist position. He was also against christianizing the native peoples.

  • avatar

    Blue Nine

    I clicked the link. The artist goes on and on and on about how this is a great country because we are “free to worship.” Well, if we are free to worship, aren’t we also free not to worship?

    It’s amazing to me that conservatives who go on and on about freedom hate Americans they disagree with.

  • avatar

    Grung_e_Gene

    Jefferson tells Jesus Sorry about that whole cutting up the bible stuff

    Washington tells Jesus: Sorry about the whole not eating your body and skipping services thing.

    US Marine tells Jesus: You do know I have Atheist on my dog tags right?

    Thomas Paine breaks the 4th wall and looks at the painter and says: Ummmm, you don’t know who I am do you?

    Handicapped child say to Jesus: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot! What’d ever do to you man? I was just a disembodied soul floating around and now I’m handicapped! If you really loved me you’d cure me! I guess I’ll put my faith in that Professor over there…

    And the Actor is clearly Robert DeNiro (aka Bobby Money) for the whole money changers in the father’s house parable.

    And Ronnie James Dio say to Jesus: Hey how come I’m not in this picture?

  • avatar

    Renee Hendricks

    The depicted immigrant seriously looks like he’s getting ready to be caned or something.

  • avatar

    Karla

    That’s not Jesus! It’s Aragorn. He’s sporting the White Tree of Gondor.

  • avatar

    John

    How about this one….
    Jesus is depicted as a White Male
    Um…last I checked the characters from the bible were from Israel and the surrounding areas which means Jesus should at least be depicted as Middle Eastern

  • avatar

    Jemaleddin

    I think you’ll find that at the time the Bible was written, the middle east was located in England.

  • avatar

    bob

    thank you god for dying on the cross.

  • avatar

    Jimmy

    Palpatine…FTW

  • avatar

    limousine hire sydney

    Let me tell you…totally my fave performer right now. What a superb superstar. Just brilliant!

  • avatar

    Vicente Rebich

    you are professional.

  • avatar

    Fleshlight Vonderkell

    First, Pettie is a “rat” who will take down anyone in the name of religion. Hopefully, Clemens will have a trial before his peers which means the jury will be composed of major league ball players including those who took drugs and those who did not. This will result in a hung jury. MLB and many players should be concern about Clemens taking his case to trial as MLB and some players are going to be “burned” badly. Hopefully this is the last year I have to listen to Pettie and his Texas “tange”….. :-)

  • avatar

    nino black

    there are only three people with a ring on their left hand: the marine in the lower left corner and the young lady next to him, and then the business man on the phone just left of the evil college professor. not even the lady with the two kids, one standing right in front of jesus has a ring on her left hand, she has one on her right hand, however. none of the founding fathers who were married, or any of the other “good” people have wedding bands on. that’s odd.

  • avatar

    el oh el

    The professor is holding “On the Origins of Species”

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