That settles it: No Dating Mormon chicks
I always knew they might be boring in bed, but these quotes from actual sexual advice from Mormon church leaders cements the fact that I will never bed a Mormon girl:
– Marriage is both a commandment and an exalting principle of the gospel. Because it is ordained of God, the intimate physical expressions of married love are sacred. Yet all too commonly, these divine gifts are desecrated. If a couple allows lewd language or pornography to corrupt their intimacy, they offend their Creator while they degrade and diminish their own divine gifts.
– Any domineering, indecent, or uncontrolled behavior in the intimate relationship between husband and wife is condemned by the Lord. Pornography and unwholesome fantasies erode one’s character and strike at the foundation of a happy marriage.”
– The First Presidency [including Gordon B. Hinckley] has interpreted oral sex as constituting an unnatural, impure, or unholy practice.
No dirty talking, no fantasies and no blow jobs? What the hell else are we supposed to do?
-A deep and abiding relationship with the Savior is indeed the only way to achieve true intimacy in our relationships with others.
Threesome with Jesus? I’ll pass.