Dane Cook sucks

In case you were ever a Dane Cook fan (most fans are women, since they consider him cute), I’d like to show you just how awful his stand up is. If you like a guy gyrating around like someone with cerebral palsy on crack, than maybe he’s your cup of tea. I dare any of you to watch the whole thing and try not to scream at your computer screen over just how unfunny this man really is (it also burns my craw that if you type “atheist” in iTunes, this routine is the first thing that pops up, right above me!). Oh, and his movies are universally TERRIBLE.

Comments (38)

  • avatar

    Jason M

    What you have just said is an affront to drug-addicted cerebral palsy sufferers everywhere. I demand an apology.

    Also, eff Dane Cook in his face.

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    I remember when this douchebag did this routine…

    Gesundheit asshole…

  • avatar


    Wow, he’s like a monument to Not Funny. And not cute. I even tried to pretend I agreed with him to see if it was funny that way. Nope. Nothing.

    Btw, I’m curious. Does anybody here think they’re going to be a tree after death?? I was thinking more along the lines of after death = decomposition.

  • avatar


    Heidi: I’m pretty sure the story recounted above never happened.

    Incidentally, every time I sneeze now, some moron who knows me personally will shout: “When you die nothing happens.” My typical response is “I know.”

  • avatar

    Andrew Skegg

    What a talentless idiot.

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    His movies really are terrible. I saw some comedy special where he was pretty funny, but that was a long time ago. Now he’s just a tired, recycled version of himself in pants meant for a guy 10 years younger and hair that looks tragically messy-hip. Pretty lame.

  • avatar

    Sam Chapman

    Holy FSM, I thought I was the only one who didn’t think him funny! I guess I’m out of the “Dane Cook is not funny” closet. He is cute in a grungy kind of way though. I’m not gonna watch the vid because, he’s not funny.

  • avatar


    “Cover your fucking multh.”

  • avatar


    My best friend is a Christian. It’s an awkward relationship. She can laugh at herself and at me equally. 🙂 Truly, the subject of religion never really comes up. She loves to watch Eddie Izzard (who I thoroughly enjoy) AND Dane Cook equally. One day she sat me down to show me this video and I had to tell her how unfunny it was. Not because it’s ‘against atheism’ but because it’s fucking Dane Cook and he sucks. There was nothing funny about this. Or about any of his other shit.

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    jared stanzi

    fuck all you guys dane cook is the shit… why dont you guys go read to kill a mocking bird and get on with your depressing fucking emo lives… if your wearing black just punch yourself in the face right now

  • avatar


    “fuck all you guys dane cook is the shit… why dont you guys go read to kill a mocking bird and get on with your depressing fucking emo lives… if your wearing black just punch yourself in the face right now” – jared stanzi.

    And here we have the typical ass clown, fantard response that is the Dane Cook fanboi. Mr. Stanzi is gracious enough to show us why idiots should not be allowed to breed.

    Don’t like Dane Cook = Emo? Hmmm…looks like Mr. Stanzi learned how to label thing folks, it’ll be a big help to him later on when he’s pricing your cans of Chicken Noodle soup at the local grocery store since it appears that’s all he’s qualified for.

    Dane Cook, much like Mr. Stanzi, is a moron who speaks to other morons. A buffoon who doesn’t understand the difference between physical comedy and flailing around on stage like a fish out of water.

    Thank you, Mr. Stanzi for yet again showing us that the Dane Cook fantard is truly a gibbering, moronic pile of slush in a sea of humanity.

  • avatar


    “fuck all you guys dane cook is the shit… why dont you guys go read to kill a mocking bird and get on with your depressing fucking emo lives… if your wearing black just punch yourself in the face right now” – jared stanzi.

    <.< What’s wrong with wearing black? It doesn’t mean that you’re unhappy with your life in any way or that you’re an emo. I’m actually satisfied with the direction my life is going in. In fact, most of my friends are too.

    Also, if you want to know my opinion upon emos: they’re just a bunch of pussies that need to stop whining so damn much. Most of my friends agree with that statement as well.

    Therefore, you can take your stereotypes and shove them up your ass.

  • avatar


    “if you want to know my opinion upon emos: they’re just a bunch of pussies that need to stop whining so damn much.”-Zac

    “Therefore, you can take your stereotypes and shove them up your ass.”-Zac

    Pot, meet kettle…it’s calling you black.

    Didn’t really think this out before you started typing, eh?

    Emo is a label, a label that you also seem to embrace to talk about people that are “pussies that whine too much” Congratulations! you’re just as bad as Mr. Stanzi is. In fact in many ways you’re worse because you’ve convinced yourself that your type of labeling is fine and/or better than others, or at least better than Mr.Stanzi.

    That gibbering pile of slush in a sea of humanity that i called Mr. Stanzi? It applies to you as well.

    Have a nice swim.

  • avatar



    I was actually referring to the people that openly call themselves emos. There are plenty of them at my high school, and they’re almost all rich and just cutting their arms as a form of rebellion against their so-called “over-protective” and “controlling” parents.

    They whine about how their life is so shitty, but then they go home to their 6 bedroom, 3 bath houses and play videogames all day on the newest consoles as their mommies and daddies tend to their every needs.

    So, no, I did actually think that out. I don’t label people emo unless they do it to themselves. I had a friend that cut himself at least 3 times a week, and I never once called him emo. He had a genuinely shitty life and said that it helped him release stress. I didn’t exactly agree with the concept of cutting yourself to release the stress of your shit life, but I was never capable of changing his mind.

  • avatar

    Mr. X

    To whomever it may concern:My previous comment (as well as this one) was left by automated spamming software. I just took a look at some of the sites that it hit and I see that it seems to have left comments in inappropriate places that made the comments themselves seem pretty damn insensitive. I just wanted to clear up the fact that I never actually read any of the posts and I’m really not a horrible person – It was all done automatically by a robot that left a comment on a bunch of blog posts that contained the phrase “my life sucks”. I sincerely apologize if I offended anyone – I’m just a spammer who was trying to get links to his site.If you haven’t already, you should probably delete the original comment, along with this one.

  • avatar

    dane cook sucks ass.

    Any bad movie nowadays is good enough until this awful, foul looking d-bag dane cook shows up. F***, I would even leave a movie theatre if this wannabe was 10 rows behind me. Who in their sound mind pays this “no such list” moron? Here is the a-hole who is truly one of a kind, all by himself. Cook and vomit… Sorry everyone.

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    I still have a friend who sort of likes him, but he also loves Kids in the Hall, Tim and Eric, The Mighty Boosh, anything Monty Python, and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

    I believe it’s nostalgia, you know how we all loved Family Guy in 2002(or even before??) Or when Sarah Silverman was hilarious in 2000-2005? I still take up for her, but she’s not nearly as funny as she used to be. Family Guy is as insanely unfunny as Cook… the reruns aren’t even funny.

    Dane Cook is the safest humor that is full of a zillion f-words. He claims he’s edgy, but has he ever dropped the n-bomb, said anything bad about religion, or even taken a risk? I’m with David Cross, Zach Galifianakis, and so many other comics… he ripped off Louis CK’s material and made it unfunny. Stole material from Steve Martin back when he was the most brilliant, insane, and creative comedian out there(yes 30 years ago)and effed it up. How is that even possible?

    In 20 years, the only joke anyone will remember of his will his infamous, controversial Burger King joke. I just wish Bill Hicks were alive just to talk about how he should commit suicide.

  • avatar


    the thing i hate about dane cook is the fact that all of his movies are about him getting laid. its like hes the ladies man of comedy, and comedy shouldnt be about getting laid and appealing to 15 year old girls. it should be about bringing a message to everyone, getting people to think. none of dane cooks stand up makes you think, none of it is relevant, and you cant just be funny by spazzing out and making weird noises. you might as well just yell “LAUGH AT MEEEEEEEEEE LAUGH AT MEEEEEEEE” if you like dane cook, great, more power to you. but if you’re one of the people that cant allow anyone else to enjoy other comedians besides dane cook, then dont talk to me. simple as that.

  • avatar


    For those of you who not only find Dane Cook irritatingly unfunny and uninteresting…not to mention an insult to the genre of stand up comedy and a hack in every sense…

    In case you happen to have a fist fight scheduled the same day you read this and you want to be good and pissed off, fire up Pandora and check out “Comedy Icons”….

    I tried this particular station thinking “Oh, this ought to be pretty good. I’ll get to hear George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Hicks, Lenny Bruce, Chris Rock, Bill Cosby, etc”….

    Guess who popped up first? That’s right. Mr. “I Did My Best”.
    Excuse me for pointing this out, all you Dane Cook fans…but when someone who wants to be a comedian has an album title like that…..and isn’t considered funny at all by comedians themselves, isn’t it a concession to the idea that he should stick to dopey and insufferable romantic comedies and leave the actual stand up to people who are good at it?

    Sorry to be so wordy but in closing, I did listen to enough of his mostly borrowed material to decide he sucks…and I even had to sit through one of his movies with a girl. After giving him a fair shake, I can say for sure that I wouldn’t go to a Dane Cook show if someone fucking paid me.

    It is as some of you said: He is the comedian for the stupid and the ignorant.

    Enjoy yourselves, folks…even if you do have terrible taste in comedians.

  • avatar

    Chris Miller

    Here is Dane Cook EXPOSED for the douchebag that he is.


  • avatar


    Wow, all this butthurt over that one joke he made on you atheists? Grow up and get some thicker skin, hypocrites. You’re used to dealing it out on religion but get extremely butthurt whenever someone attacks you atheists. Dane Cook isn’t funny but that one joke he did on atheism was quite good especially with how, even now, it still has you atheists raging even though it was a very light hearted joke.

  • avatar


    Compared to the anti-Christian jokes from atheist comedians, Dane Cook’s “Atheist Sneeze” skit was VERY mild. But, as usual, atheists are playing the victim card and whining about how Dane Cook is “bullying” and “oppressing” them. Oh, boo hoo! Cry me a river! If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out. Atheists are always demanding respect, yet they never do anything to earn it. They swear up and down that they’re “friendly people” who “respect everyone” and are “good people without expecting some eternal reward”, but what “good” things do atheists do? Attacking people (both verbally and physically) for praying? Getting pissy whenever someone says “God bless you”? Throwing a fit when somebody has a nativity scene in their front yard in December? Bullying everyone they come into contact with (both online and in real life) who believes in God? Yep. That’s pretty much it. Great job, atheists. If you want people to respect you and join your little “enlightened” cult, maybe you should stop acting like such bigoted, hypocritical assholes. If you want respect, you have to learn to respect others. Just saying.

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    Wow, you atheists are such wimpy whiners! That joke wasn’t even offensive! You go around being as rude as possible to religious people and feign innocence by saying, “Oh, it was just a joke! I respect everyone’s beliefs, honestly! Really, truly, I do!” *cough*unlessthey’reChristians*cough* but when a non-atheist makes a harmless joke about atheism (which is already a joke in itself) you whine about it. You Dick Dorkins loving sheep can’t handle the mildest jokes against you, but you dish out the most offensive jokes possible against everyone who has different beliefs and opinions than you. Hypocrisy: No one does it better than atheists.

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    “Most fans are women, since they consider him cute.” Sexism and perpetual butthurt: the atheist way of life. 🙂 😀

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    Another atheist poops his diaper over a joke about atheism. Priceless!

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    lol! I’m not a fan of Dane Cook, but all this whining from you atheists is hilarious! Get over yourselves! It was a harmless joke! You’re so insecure in your own beliefs (and I don’t blame you; it’s 2015 and people – including ADULTS(!) – actually still believe we all evolved from monkeys?! Grow up, shitheads!) that when someone questions your beliefs you get angry and resort to swearing and ad hominem attacks. Real mature! Also, if you don’t want people making fun of you, don’t be such unlikable pretentious dickwads! Like ThatGuyWithNoUsername said, if you can’t take a joke, don’t be such assholes to people with different beliefs. Simple as that!

  • avatar


    Aww! What a meanie Dane Cook is! How dare he make fun of the people who dedicate their lives to making fun of and discriminating against others? How mean! Bad Dane! Bad! Go stand in the corner and think about what you did!

    You atheists are so cute.

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    You atheists spit on, curse at, assault, harass and abuse everyone who has different beliefs and opinions than you and you think it’s totally justified, but when religious people fight back, you get offended. You deserve to be ridiculed. You atheists deserve all of the sh*t you give to religious people (you deserve to be beaten/assaulted, harassed, bullied, abused, insulted, cursed at, spat on, etc) but since religious people actually have morals (unlike atheists) the worst they do to you is tell harmless jokes about you. (Well, I personally won’t hesitate to beat up a couple of atheists. I’ve done it before, and like I said, you f*ckers deserve to be beaten and assaulted. 😀 )
    But yeah, just think about it for a moment. Is Dane Cook’s joke really more insulting than your unbridled cruelty and bigotry against everyone who is different from you? No. You get what you give so…
    suck it up, b*tches! 😀

  • avatar


    Atheists are so selfish, hypocritical and overly sensitive. They insult Christians all the time and call it “comedy” but in the once in a lifetime event someone makes fun of them, they lose their minds. Atheism is always being thrown in everyone’s faces all the time, so it’s really nice and refreshing to see someone who isn’t afraid of atheists.

  • avatar

    Proud Anti-Atheist

    It baffles me how ignorant atheist folks can be. Atheist “comedians” get up on stage and run around in circles with their fingers up their butts screaming, “CHRISTIANS ARE RETARDS! CHRISTIANS ARE RETARDS! HURR DURR DURR!” and they call that “comedy”. We Christians simply laugh at and criticize the stupid things atheists say and accept. How is telling the truth about atheism insulting? How is stating the fact that all atheists are idiots a bad thing? You atheists lie about Christians all the time. Now it’s time for us to expose you brainless scumbags for who you really are! What you are seeing now is an uprising. Christians are sick of you abusive shit, and now we’re finally fighting back!

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    YEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH! GET REKT ATHEISTS! WOOHOO! I love it when atheists get a well-deserved poke in the eye! HAHA! 😀

    My respect for Dane Cook just went from 50% to 100% after watching that skit. Way to go Mr. Cook! Keep up the good work shaming atheism.

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    This is proof that atheists are all just a bunch of unintelligent, close-minded, crying infants who can’t take a joke or handle even the smallest amount of criticism. Way to go, losers.

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    “Official Seal of Awesomeness”? More like Official Seal of Narcissism and Brain Damage. Lol! More proof that atheists always lie.

    Are there any beliefs that you atheists don’t hate other than yours? Your beliefs have made you such small-minded, intolerant, ignorant, arrogant, hateful people. And you wonder why Dane Cook made this (awesome and hilarious) skit. Because you people are stupid, stuck-up, bigoted, hypocritical, close-minded idiots. It’s so hard not to make fun of you assholes!

  • avatar


    Can someone please translate this post into English? I can’t understand what “The Good Atheist” is saying because I don’t speak crying baby. Is he saying he needs a diaper change? That’s what it sounds like to me.

  • avatar


    “Atheists are smart, rational, logical, and right about everything!”

    Nonsense. Smart, rational, logical people don’t get butthurt over a silly joke. They also don’t believe that nothing randomly exploded one day for no reason and somehow created the universe and all who inhabit it. So, sorry atheists, but you are not “right about everything” after all. As a matter of fact, you are actually wrong about everything.

    Hypocrite atheists keep reminding us all that Christians are better people. While a small handful of Christians whines about things that they find offensive, at least 95% of the atheist community triggered by harmless comedy skits.

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