Dane Cook sucks

In case you were ever a Dane Cook fan (most fans are women, since they consider him cute), I’d like to show you just how awful his stand up is. If you like a guy gyrating around like someone with cerebral palsy on crack, than maybe he’s your cup of tea. I dare any of you to watch the whole thing and try not to scream at your computer screen over just how unfunny this man really is (it also burns my craw that if you type “atheist” in iTunes, this routine is the first thing that pops up, right above me!). Oh, and his movies are universally TERRIBLE.

Comments (49)

  • avatar

    Jason M

    What you have just said is an affront to drug-addicted cerebral palsy sufferers everywhere. I demand an apology.

    Also, eff Dane Cook in his face.

  • avatar

    RtPt

    I remember when this douchebag did this routine…

    Gesundheit asshole…

  • avatar

    Heidi

    Wow, he’s like a monument to Not Funny. And not cute. I even tried to pretend I agreed with him to see if it was funny that way. Nope. Nothing.

    Btw, I’m curious. Does anybody here think they’re going to be a tree after death?? I was thinking more along the lines of after death = decomposition.

  • avatar

    Thomas

    Heidi: I’m pretty sure the story recounted above never happened.

    Incidentally, every time I sneeze now, some moron who knows me personally will shout: “When you die nothing happens.” My typical response is “I know.”

  • avatar

    Andrew Skegg

    What a talentless idiot.

  • avatar

    advertisinglies

    His movies really are terrible. I saw some comedy special where he was pretty funny, but that was a long time ago. Now he’s just a tired, recycled version of himself in pants meant for a guy 10 years younger and hair that looks tragically messy-hip. Pretty lame.

  • avatar

    Sam Chapman

    Holy FSM, I thought I was the only one who didn’t think him funny! I guess I’m out of the “Dane Cook is not funny” closet. He is cute in a grungy kind of way though. I’m not gonna watch the vid because, he’s not funny.

  • avatar

    Dizzy

    “Cover your fucking multh.”

  • avatar

    Stephie

    My best friend is a Christian. It’s an awkward relationship. She can laugh at herself and at me equally. 🙂 Truly, the subject of religion never really comes up. She loves to watch Eddie Izzard (who I thoroughly enjoy) AND Dane Cook equally. One day she sat me down to show me this video and I had to tell her how unfunny it was. Not because it’s ‘against atheism’ but because it’s fucking Dane Cook and he sucks. There was nothing funny about this. Or about any of his other shit.

  • avatar

    jared stanzi

    fuck all you guys dane cook is the shit… why dont you guys go read to kill a mocking bird and get on with your depressing fucking emo lives… if your wearing black just punch yourself in the face right now

  • avatar

    Averre

    “fuck all you guys dane cook is the shit… why dont you guys go read to kill a mocking bird and get on with your depressing fucking emo lives… if your wearing black just punch yourself in the face right now” – jared stanzi.

    And here we have the typical ass clown, fantard response that is the Dane Cook fanboi. Mr. Stanzi is gracious enough to show us why idiots should not be allowed to breed.

    Don’t like Dane Cook = Emo? Hmmm…looks like Mr. Stanzi learned how to label thing folks, it’ll be a big help to him later on when he’s pricing your cans of Chicken Noodle soup at the local grocery store since it appears that’s all he’s qualified for.

    Dane Cook, much like Mr. Stanzi, is a moron who speaks to other morons. A buffoon who doesn’t understand the difference between physical comedy and flailing around on stage like a fish out of water.

    Thank you, Mr. Stanzi for yet again showing us that the Dane Cook fantard is truly a gibbering, moronic pile of slush in a sea of humanity.

  • avatar

    Zac

    “fuck all you guys dane cook is the shit… why dont you guys go read to kill a mocking bird and get on with your depressing fucking emo lives… if your wearing black just punch yourself in the face right now” – jared stanzi.

    <.< What’s wrong with wearing black? It doesn’t mean that you’re unhappy with your life in any way or that you’re an emo. I’m actually satisfied with the direction my life is going in. In fact, most of my friends are too.

    Also, if you want to know my opinion upon emos: they’re just a bunch of pussies that need to stop whining so damn much. Most of my friends agree with that statement as well.

    Therefore, you can take your stereotypes and shove them up your ass.

  • avatar

    Averre

    “if you want to know my opinion upon emos: they’re just a bunch of pussies that need to stop whining so damn much.”-Zac

    “Therefore, you can take your stereotypes and shove them up your ass.”-Zac

    Pot, meet kettle…it’s calling you black.

    Didn’t really think this out before you started typing, eh?

    Emo is a label, a label that you also seem to embrace to talk about people that are “pussies that whine too much” Congratulations! you’re just as bad as Mr. Stanzi is. In fact in many ways you’re worse because you’ve convinced yourself that your type of labeling is fine and/or better than others, or at least better than Mr.Stanzi.

    That gibbering pile of slush in a sea of humanity that i called Mr. Stanzi? It applies to you as well.

    Have a nice swim.

  • avatar

    Zac

    @Averre

    I was actually referring to the people that openly call themselves emos. There are plenty of them at my high school, and they’re almost all rich and just cutting their arms as a form of rebellion against their so-called “over-protective” and “controlling” parents.

    They whine about how their life is so shitty, but then they go home to their 6 bedroom, 3 bath houses and play videogames all day on the newest consoles as their mommies and daddies tend to their every needs.

    So, no, I did actually think that out. I don’t label people emo unless they do it to themselves. I had a friend that cut himself at least 3 times a week, and I never once called him emo. He had a genuinely shitty life and said that it helped him release stress. I didn’t exactly agree with the concept of cutting yourself to release the stress of your shit life, but I was never capable of changing his mind.

  • avatar

    Mr. X

    To whomever it may concern:My previous comment (as well as this one) was left by automated spamming software. I just took a look at some of the sites that it hit and I see that it seems to have left comments in inappropriate places that made the comments themselves seem pretty damn insensitive. I just wanted to clear up the fact that I never actually read any of the posts and I’m really not a horrible person – It was all done automatically by a robot that left a comment on a bunch of blog posts that contained the phrase “my life sucks”. I sincerely apologize if I offended anyone – I’m just a spammer who was trying to get links to his site.If you haven’t already, you should probably delete the original comment, along with this one.

  • avatar

    dane cook sucks ass.

    Any bad movie nowadays is good enough until this awful, foul looking d-bag dane cook shows up. F***, I would even leave a movie theatre if this wannabe was 10 rows behind me. Who in their sound mind pays this “no such list” moron? Here is the a-hole who is truly one of a kind, all by himself. Cook and vomit… Sorry everyone.

  • avatar

    Kyle

    I still have a friend who sort of likes him, but he also loves Kids in the Hall, Tim and Eric, The Mighty Boosh, anything Monty Python, and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

    I believe it’s nostalgia, you know how we all loved Family Guy in 2002(or even before??) Or when Sarah Silverman was hilarious in 2000-2005? I still take up for her, but she’s not nearly as funny as she used to be. Family Guy is as insanely unfunny as Cook… the reruns aren’t even funny.

    Dane Cook is the safest humor that is full of a zillion f-words. He claims he’s edgy, but has he ever dropped the n-bomb, said anything bad about religion, or even taken a risk? I’m with David Cross, Zach Galifianakis, and so many other comics… he ripped off Louis CK’s material and made it unfunny. Stole material from Steve Martin back when he was the most brilliant, insane, and creative comedian out there(yes 30 years ago)and effed it up. How is that even possible?

    In 20 years, the only joke anyone will remember of his will his infamous, controversial Burger King joke. I just wish Bill Hicks were alive just to talk about how he should commit suicide.

  • avatar

    dankfrank

    the thing i hate about dane cook is the fact that all of his movies are about him getting laid. its like hes the ladies man of comedy, and comedy shouldnt be about getting laid and appealing to 15 year old girls. it should be about bringing a message to everyone, getting people to think. none of dane cooks stand up makes you think, none of it is relevant, and you cant just be funny by spazzing out and making weird noises. you might as well just yell “LAUGH AT MEEEEEEEEEE LAUGH AT MEEEEEEEE” if you like dane cook, great, more power to you. but if you’re one of the people that cant allow anyone else to enjoy other comedians besides dane cook, then dont talk to me. simple as that.

  • avatar

    FriendlyScowl

    For those of you who not only find Dane Cook irritatingly unfunny and uninteresting…not to mention an insult to the genre of stand up comedy and a hack in every sense…

    In case you happen to have a fist fight scheduled the same day you read this and you want to be good and pissed off, fire up Pandora and check out “Comedy Icons”….

    I tried this particular station thinking “Oh, this ought to be pretty good. I’ll get to hear George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Bill Hicks, Lenny Bruce, Chris Rock, Bill Cosby, etc”….

    Guess who popped up first? That’s right. Mr. “I Did My Best”.
    Excuse me for pointing this out, all you Dane Cook fans…but when someone who wants to be a comedian has an album title like that…..and isn’t considered funny at all by comedians themselves, isn’t it a concession to the idea that he should stick to dopey and insufferable romantic comedies and leave the actual stand up to people who are good at it?

    Sorry to be so wordy but in closing, I did listen to enough of his mostly borrowed material to decide he sucks…and I even had to sit through one of his movies with a girl. After giving him a fair shake, I can say for sure that I wouldn’t go to a Dane Cook show if someone fucking paid me.

    It is as some of you said: He is the comedian for the stupid and the ignorant.

    Enjoy yourselves, folks…even if you do have terrible taste in comedians.

  • avatar

    Chris Miller

    Here is Dane Cook EXPOSED for the douchebag that he is.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mYr3TZr5PE

  • avatar

    WOWlol

    Wow, all this butthurt over that one joke he made on you atheists? Grow up and get some thicker skin, hypocrites. You’re used to dealing it out on religion but get extremely butthurt whenever someone attacks you atheists. Dane Cook isn’t funny but that one joke he did on atheism was quite good especially with how, even now, it still has you atheists raging even though it was a very light hearted joke.

  • avatar

    ThatGuyWithNoUsername

    Compared to the anti-Christian jokes from atheist comedians, Dane Cook’s “Atheist Sneeze” skit was VERY mild. But, as usual, atheists are playing the victim card and whining about how Dane Cook is “bullying” and “oppressing” them. Oh, boo hoo! Cry me a river! If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out. Atheists are always demanding respect, yet they never do anything to earn it. They swear up and down that they’re “friendly people” who “respect everyone” and are “good people without expecting some eternal reward”, but what “good” things do atheists do? Attacking people (both verbally and physically) for praying? Getting pissy whenever someone says “God bless you”? Throwing a fit when somebody has a nativity scene in their front yard in December? Bullying everyone they come into contact with (both online and in real life) who believes in God? Yep. That’s pretty much it. Great job, atheists. If you want people to respect you and join your little “enlightened” cult, maybe you should stop acting like such bigoted, hypocritical assholes. If you want respect, you have to learn to respect others. Just saying.

  • avatar

    WowSuchButthurtMuchWhiningWow

    Wow, you atheists are such wimpy whiners! That joke wasn’t even offensive! You go around being as rude as possible to religious people and feign innocence by saying, “Oh, it was just a joke! I respect everyone’s beliefs, honestly! Really, truly, I do!” *cough*unlessthey’reChristians*cough* but when a non-atheist makes a harmless joke about atheism (which is already a joke in itself) you whine about it. You Dick Dorkins loving sheep can’t handle the mildest jokes against you, but you dish out the most offensive jokes possible against everyone who has different beliefs and opinions than you. Hypocrisy: No one does it better than atheists.

  • avatar

    WowSuchButthurtMuchWhiningWow

    “Most fans are women, since they consider him cute.” Sexism and perpetual butthurt: the atheist way of life. 🙂 😀

  • avatar

    Chris

    Another atheist poops his diaper over a joke about atheism. Priceless!

  • avatar

    djc03

    lol! I’m not a fan of Dane Cook, but all this whining from you atheists is hilarious! Get over yourselves! It was a harmless joke! You’re so insecure in your own beliefs (and I don’t blame you; it’s 2015 and people – including ADULTS(!) – actually still believe we all evolved from monkeys?! Grow up, shitheads!) that when someone questions your beliefs you get angry and resort to swearing and ad hominem attacks. Real mature! Also, if you don’t want people making fun of you, don’t be such unlikable pretentious dickwads! Like ThatGuyWithNoUsername said, if you can’t take a joke, don’t be such assholes to people with different beliefs. Simple as that!

  • avatar

    Russell

    Aww! What a meanie Dane Cook is! How dare he make fun of the people who dedicate their lives to making fun of and discriminating against others? How mean! Bad Dane! Bad! Go stand in the corner and think about what you did!

    You atheists are so cute.

  • avatar

    LOLfest!

    You atheists spit on, curse at, assault, harass and abuse everyone who has different beliefs and opinions than you and you think it’s totally justified, but when religious people fight back, you get offended. You deserve to be ridiculed. You atheists deserve all of the sh*t you give to religious people (you deserve to be beaten/assaulted, harassed, bullied, abused, insulted, cursed at, spat on, etc) but since religious people actually have morals (unlike atheists) the worst they do to you is tell harmless jokes about you. (Well, I personally won’t hesitate to beat up a couple of atheists. I’ve done it before, and like I said, you f*ckers deserve to be beaten and assaulted. 😀 )
    But yeah, just think about it for a moment. Is Dane Cook’s joke really more insulting than your unbridled cruelty and bigotry against everyone who is different from you? No. You get what you give so…
    suck it up, b*tches! 😀

  • avatar

    Ryan

    Atheists are so selfish, hypocritical and overly sensitive. They insult Christians all the time and call it “comedy” but in the once in a lifetime event someone makes fun of them, they lose their minds. Atheism is always being thrown in everyone’s faces all the time, so it’s really nice and refreshing to see someone who isn’t afraid of atheists.

  • avatar

    Proud Anti-Atheist

    It baffles me how ignorant atheist folks can be. Atheist “comedians” get up on stage and run around in circles with their fingers up their butts screaming, “CHRISTIANS ARE RETARDS! CHRISTIANS ARE RETARDS! HURR DURR DURR!” and they call that “comedy”. We Christians simply laugh at and criticize the stupid things atheists say and accept. How is telling the truth about atheism insulting? How is stating the fact that all atheists are idiots a bad thing? You atheists lie about Christians all the time. Now it’s time for us to expose you brainless scumbags for who you really are! What you are seeing now is an uprising. Christians are sick of you abusive shit, and now we’re finally fighting back!

  • avatar

    Hugh

    YEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH! GET REKT ATHEISTS! WOOHOO! I love it when atheists get a well-deserved poke in the eye! HAHA! 😀

    My respect for Dane Cook just went from 50% to 100% after watching that skit. Way to go Mr. Cook! Keep up the good work shaming atheism.

  • avatar

    George

    This is proof that atheists are all just a bunch of unintelligent, close-minded, crying infants who can’t take a joke or handle even the smallest amount of criticism. Way to go, losers.

  • avatar

    Frank

    “Official Seal of Awesomeness”? More like Official Seal of Narcissism and Brain Damage. Lol! More proof that atheists always lie.

    Are there any beliefs that you atheists don’t hate other than yours? Your beliefs have made you such small-minded, intolerant, ignorant, arrogant, hateful people. And you wonder why Dane Cook made this (awesome and hilarious) skit. Because you people are stupid, stuck-up, bigoted, hypocritical, close-minded idiots. It’s so hard not to make fun of you assholes!

  • avatar

    FactsVsAtheism

    Can someone please translate this post into English? I can’t understand what “The Good Atheist” is saying because I don’t speak crying baby. Is he saying he needs a diaper change? That’s what it sounds like to me.

  • avatar

    Greg

    “Atheists are smart, rational, logical, and right about everything!”

    Nonsense. Smart, rational, logical people don’t get butthurt over a silly joke. They also don’t believe that nothing randomly exploded one day for no reason and somehow created the universe and all who inhabit it. So, sorry atheists, but you are not “right about everything” after all. As a matter of fact, you are actually wrong about everything.

    Hypocrite atheists keep reminding us all that Christians are better people. While a small handful of Christians whines about things that they find offensive, at least 95% of the atheist community triggered by harmless comedy skits.

  • avatar

    JokesOnYou

    Your “argument” against this harmless (yet hilarious) joke is just as shallow and empty as atheism. I love watching my atheist “friends” get so triggered when a fellow Christian makes fun of them that they have to retreat to their safe spaces to cry and jerk off to the thought of how “awesome” they think they are. Atheism deserves to be mocked; it’s just as much of a fairytale as Santa Claus. What are you atheists so proud of? What are you not ashamed of? You believe in childish fantasies that you invented yourselves just so you can feel superior to everyone. You don’t even live in the real world! You should feel ashamed. You have nothing to be proud of. As a Christian, whenever an atheist tries to force me to convert to atheism, I just laugh. That’s just like a child telling an adult that they have to go back to believing in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny again. It’s cute. Pathetic, but cute. Keep it up, Dane Cook! Love ya’ man! 😀

  • avatar

    AtheismAndOtherFairytales

    FactsVsAtheism: “Can someone please translate this post into English? I can’t understand what “The Good Atheist” is saying because I don’t speak crying baby. Is he saying he needs a diaper change? That’s what it sounds like to me.”

    That is precisely what he’s saying.

  • avatar

    NerdBird

    I love how you said (at the very beginning of this shitty post, no less!) that women only like Dane Cook because he’s “cute”, implying that women care about outward appearances more than they care about substance. Further pushing the atheistic belief that women are dumb and inferior to men. Classy.

    I’m no feminist myself, but I will never understand why Christian feminists love atheist misogynists (aka just atheists). Is it because of their shared far-left ideology? I don’t know. One thing’s for sure: not all misogynists are atheists, but all atheists are misogynists. Women (especially Christian women) should avoid all atheists at all costs. Period.

  • avatar

    KnowledgeNotAtheism

    You guys get butthurt too easily. One hint of someone knowing that it is a fact that there is a God, and you all lose your minds. Lol! You people! That skit wasn’t even “mean”, it was funny. Funnier than anything some atheist fuck could ever come up with, that’s for sure.
    All atheist “comedy” is like this:
    -dick joke
    -pussy joke
    -“I hate Christians!”
    -“Hitler did nothing wrong!”
    -“Muslims are terrorists!”
    -“God don’t real because I didn’t get a pony for Christmas when I was five!”
    -“Women are useless creatures who should stay in the kitchen!”
    -“Anyone who isn’t an atheist is a fucking retard!”
    -“Spaghetti Monster! Teapot in Space! Unicorns in the Bible!” (and countless other childish and debunked “arguments” against God.)
    -sex joke
    -pedophilia joke
    -“I love shoving bananas up my ass every Wednesday night at 7:36 PM!”
    -another pussy joke
    -“I hate women! All women are disgusting whores!”
    -more dick jokes
    -more demonizing Christians and Muslims
    -“Jews suck!”
    -“Atheism is the greatest thing ever!”
    -another sex joke
    -“Jesus didn’t exist because I said so! Fuck all of the historical evidence that says otherwise!”
    -song about fucking dogs in the butt
    -rape joke
    -more demonizing women
    -poop joke
    -more demonizing Jews
    -literally just saying “fuck” over and over again for two whole minutes
    -one last dick joke
    -and end it all off with a big ol’ “FUCK YOU!” to all the sane people who find their pathetic “jokes” unfunny and disgusting.

    There you have it, an atheist “comedy” show in a nutshell.

    Face it, atheists just aren’t funny, and that’s because they’re too dumb and too childish to be able to take a joke. You need to have maturity, a brain, and a sense of humor to be a good comedian. Sadly, atheists have none of those things.

  • avatar

    iHateAtheists

    “Atheist” is literally synonymous with the word “cretin”, which means a person who is STUPID, MENTALLY DEFICIENT, and RETARDED. Dane Cook simply pointed out the idiotic concepts of atheism in a humorous and inoffensive way, but you losers got your panties in a bunch and ran to your Internet “safe space” to cry about how “mean” he is. Just because a child wants Santa Claus to be real, doesn’t mean that he is real. Likewise, just because an atheist (a.k.a. a manchild) wants there to be no God, doesn’t mean there is no God. You people are deluded by your childish beliefs of Pokemon-esque evolution and the big bang theory that you can’t see reality. Dane Cook was too nice to you fuckwits. You deserve much, MUCH harsher ridicule.

  • avatar

    AtheismIsBullshit

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    That joke was fucking hilarious! Holy shit!

    And hearing atheists cry like the sad, worthless, pathetic little pussies that they are just made it even funnier!

    Atheists getting butthurt because, for the first time ever, they’re the ones being made fun of. I love it!

    Atheists pretty much run the world at this point, and they have a monopoly on brainwashing.

    They have no reason whatsoever to complain about jokes like this. They deserve all the hatred and ridicule that comes their way. Still, it’s so fun to watch them squirm and squeal whenever someone doesn’t treat them like fucking royalty!

    XDXDXDXDXD Oh man! You know atheism is the cause of the worst wars and most deaths throughout human history, right? We should mock atheists the same way we mock Nazis, because atheists are Nazis in a number of ways (atheism not accepting Christianity and Judaism, atheists condoning the murder of theists, atheists going out of their way to kill any theist that crosses their path, etc.) We owe you inhuman atheist fucks NOTHING!

    We need more people shaming the brainless assholes known as atheists. We need to castrate every atheist so they can stop breeding and poisoning the world with their disgusting bullshit.

    Man, fuck atheists. Hitler killed the wrong people.

    Then again, I can understand why he didn’t kill atheists. Why would he want to kill his own people?

  • avatar

    KillAtheism

    Christian FLAWLESS VICTORY!

    AHAHAHAHA! I LOVE watching atheists get owned by Christians! It happens 24/7, yet it never gets old!

    😀

  • avatar

    Felton

    Reason to stop being an atheist number 100: atheists are stupid, whiny, weak, butthurt little babies who can’t take a joke.

  • avatar

    ProudChristian

    The great G.K. Chesterton once said, “It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it.”

    And since you can joke about Christianity without adherents of Christianity sending you death threats and suing you, that’s all the proof we need that Christianity is a good religion.

    And since you can’t joke about atheism without adherents of atheism getting so offended that they send you death threats and intense verbal abuse, and even attempt to sue you or dox you, that’s all the proof we need that atheism is a bad religion.

    (And before any atheists get mad and call me a “retard” and say that “ATHEISM IS NOT A RELIGION!”, let me tell you something:
    atheists have group meetings, foundations, a set of opinions and beliefs that one must adhere to in order to be an atheist, and leaders.
    Atheism is a religion. End of story.)

    The atheist response to Dane Cook’s harmless joke is hilarious and predictable. Bad religions like atheism tend to lack any surprises and are fragile enough to be offended and debunked by a silly comedy skit. In a good religion, like Christianity, jokes aren’t enough to shake one’s faith. Because they’re just that: HARMLESS JOKES.

    Thank God (with a capital G) I’m a Christian and not an atheist! I can’t imagine what it must be like to be an atheist and be offended and angry all the time. Sounds horrible!

  • avatar

    Face it skeptics, atheism sucks!

    This is further proof that atheism is the downfall of humanity, science, logic, reason, morality, and everything else that is good in the world. You stupid, brainless, spineless narcissistic, psychotic sociopaths are so arrogant and elitist that you can’t handle someone poking harmless fun at your stupid, dangerous, harmful, illogical, irrational beliefs. You think you’re so much better than everyone else. I hate to say this, but you don’t see Christians or Jews killing people over jokes and disagreements, or at least threatening to kill them (like you people did to Katt Williams). You people are all scum, your beliefs are disgusting and stupid, and you deserve all the hatred and ridicule that you get. Case closed.

  • avatar

    Atheists are Garbage

    Atheism: the most common mental illness.

    You poor, oppressed little victims! How dare that comedian disagree with you?! What a jerk! Did that meanie make you babies cry? Are you triggered? Do you need to go to your safe space?

    LOL

    Atheists… poor delusional idiots. 🙂

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