Attending church just got a little more dangerous

I visit the US fairly regularly, but there are definitely places where I wouldn’t dare go. It’s not that I’m afraid of Americans; I’m just afraid of some of your scary habits. Take, for instance, this church in Louisville, where congregants bring their guns to celebrate the fact these devices can be used to kill people. It’s not a place a liberal pinko atheist like me should visit. Here are some choice quotes from the service:

This country was started by people gathering together in churches and complaining about taxation and about their current government, King George III, taking armaments that they had.

But for a deep-seated belief in God and firearms, this country would not be here today

I don’t suspect anyone living in the deep south will stop loving guns, and as far as I’m concerned, you can do whatever you want in your own home (including accidentally shooting your own family members if you like). It’s when people bring them out in public places that I get nervous. We don’t live in a society that requires pistols to ‘defend ourselves’. The truth is the high homicide rate in the US (latest estimates put that number at 17,000 a year, 88% of which are by firearms) could probably be reduced if everyone didn’t go for their gun at the first sign of trouble. In other countries, we try talking first.

If you really love guns, you should go check out Russia. There, almost every farmer has an AK-47, but they actually need theirs. That’s because some places are so remote and corrupt that you have to police yourself. It’s a miserable place, made all the more miserable by the huge proliferation of small arms.

I actually don’t want to see guns banned. In Canada, our gun registry is a billion dollar waste of taxpayer money. It forced already legal gun owners to register, and has done nothing to reduce firearm deaths (criminals don’t need to register theirs). I do get nervous, however, when people start actively merging guns and religious services. No, it’s not a good idea, and there are enough wackos out there who think God ‘invented’ guns in order for them to shoot anyone they don’t like.

Comments (5)

  • avatar


    A little scary, I only live 45min from there. This part of the country is a little ass-backwards. I work in a restaurant and get bible tracts every Sunday.

  • avatar


    Reminds me of the bit at the beginning of Mean Girls with the little hayseed kids, where the talking one is credited as “Homeschooled Boy”:

    “And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals.”

  • avatar


    Didn’t you know, guns are the new pitchforks.

  • avatar


    This is why I don’t go to the South. These people are reason I a say I am a New Yorker instead of an American.

  • avatar

    The Grammar Police

    What’s really scary is that an intelligent person like yourself actually spelled it “definately.”

    It’s “definitely.”

    You have just been ticketed by the Grammar Police. Have a nice day.

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