10 reasons why Superman is better than Jesus
This article made me want to include a little list of why Superman is better than Jesus. I’ve made a comparative list so I can definitively prove the last son of Krypton is superior to the King of Kings in almost every way.
- Superman has saved the planet for destruction numerous times. Jesus has threatened to return and bring on the end of the earth with him, but so far is a fucking ‘no-show’.
- Jesus performed a few miracles, but Superman can shoot laser beams out of his eyes, he can fly, is indestructible, and can see through everything except lead. In one movie he turned back time. How awesome is that?
- Jesus may have died for your sins, but Superman died to protect us from an intergalactic killing machine called Doomsday.
- When Jesus died, he was resurrected 3 days later and then abruptly left, telling his disciples he’d be back within their lifetimes (an obvious lie). Superman died, was in stasis for a while, and emerged with long glorious 90’s hair. Unlike Jesus, however, Superman stuck around and has been busy keeping the world safe from evil.
- Although not a God, Superman still risks his life all the time trying to combat super villains. Jesus, on the other hand, is apparently all powerful, and yet refuses to do something as basic as healing amputees.
- Superman can move mountains. Jesus claims praying to him will accomplish the same feat, but no noticeable effects from prayer have ever been measured.
- Superman is an expert in dozens of languages, and is an accomplished journalist. Jesus never left any writings, or evidence of any of his works.
- Superman hooked up with the insanely hot Lois Lane, while the only women who showed any interest in Jesus were prostitutes.
- Jesus said “But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me” (Luke 19:27). Superman, on the other hand, has a strict code of conduct that forbids him to kill anyone.
- If you fell out of your apartment window and cried for help, Superman would try and save you. Not only will Jesus not even bother to save you; he will send you to hell for all eternity if you don’t believe in him.
Now some people may criticize me for this article, and they might be right: what’s the point in debating which fictional character is better, anyways?