Who would Jesus shoot?

Imagine a crazed gunman with a semi automatic walks in to your workplace and declares anyone who isn’t a Christian is going to die. He turns around to you and asks your religion. What would you say? Most of us wouldn’t hesitate to lie, but for some folks, that’s the worst thing you could do.

Derik Bonestroo decided on Thursday that he was going to purge the Eldora ski resort of non Christians, and when he walked up to Brian Mahon with a semiautomatic pistol, Mahon answered he was a Catholic, and was immediately shot in both the head and chest.

Now I don’t want to criticize Brian for standing up for his belief, but I have to wonder if it was worth it. Surely even your God would understand your reasons for lying. It’s not even that big a lie! This psycho Derik was obviously looking for a target, and in those cases, it’s best not to give him one. There is no reason to throw your life away for the sake of your religion. If that crazed gunmen had asked me, I would have been the first to sing praises in Jesus’ name. I don’t fucking want to die, and my atheist pride isn’t something I’ll die over.

Comments (4)

  • avatar


    Holy shit, that poor guy Mahon probably thought he was answering in the affirmative! Most people don’t understand that fundamentalists don’t consider you a Christian unless you’re THEIR type of Christian.

    Of course, if somebody walked up to me and pointed a gun at my face–and looked crazy enough to use it–I’d probably shit myself and loose all rational thought. I doubt I’d even have the coherence to realize that I needed to lie, much less reason out “He might not consider Catholics to be ‘Real Christians'”

  • avatar


    That’s what I was thinking – that poor guy was telling the truth and thought that he’d be spared a bullet but he had no idea what kind of whackjob he was dealing with (I mean, beyond the fact that this guy was pointing a gun at him). I had to read this several times and was confused because I was thinking “Wait, aren’t Catholics Christians?”

  • avatar


    Jesus would shoot the Sheriff; but he would not shoot the deputy.

  • avatar

    Infinite Monkey

    I’ve read that the gunmen’s friends will mourn him. Call me heartless, but you do something like that, you get no mourning.

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